


Death is bliss

by fcllencngels



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abandonment, Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Boys Kissing, Car Accidents, Dubious Consent, Flashbacks, Galaxy Garrison, Gay Keith (Voltron), Implied/Referenced Torture, Keith is anxietic, Kissing, Korean Keith (Voltron), M/M, Mental Instability, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Other, Past Abuse, Pidge and Keith are besties, Pidge is a genius, Plans, Psychological Torture, Random allusions, Rescue, Rescue Missions, SHEITH - Freeform, Sex, Shiro is an upset boyfriend, Torture, Voltron Season 2, i don't really know what i'm doing, mental manipulation, wHERE IS KEITH
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-08-23 08:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8321137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fcllencngels/pseuds/fcllencngels
Summary: After the battle with Zarkon, each of the paladins is sent to an unknown location.And all Keith remembers is losing control, before passing out. Waking up, he finds himself in a Galra room, chained to a wall, and unsure of anything._Shiro knows what it's like to be torturedHe just doesn't know that his boyfriend is Zarkon's prisoner. He just knows that Keith's been missing for months, and he's nowhere to be found





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh. My first published fandom work. 
> 
> I was thinking to just leave this as a one-shot, but depending on how much response I get from this, there may be a chapter two?
> 
> This is actually terrible though, so I'm so sorry ahhh
> 
> But just a few things to note for this fic because I sort of alluded to them  
> \- Sheith is a thing, because Sheith is life  
> \- Keith has anxiety problems  
> \- No idea how much time has passed  
> \- Sad times
> 
> Come visit me on my tumblr! (fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com - if link does not work, check ch. 2)

Everything hurt.

As Keith took in a breath, he could hear the air rattling in his lungs, and the pain…the pain was unbearable. He looked up, the faint purple glow striking fear into his heart, more painful than any of his injuries. Purple. Galra purple lights flickered outside his room, a cold metal wall to his back. How had he gotten here? The battle, and the castle, and the wormhole-

The wormhole. Everything had gone wrong in the wormhole, and Red had been thrown to the side, disappearing through a side gap. He hadn’t been able to regain control, and they had spun. Spun until all Keith could feel was pain. The sight of the rapidly approaching ground had filled him with a desperation, and he had tried so hard to regain control before the crashed into the rocky surface.

Then he had slammed his head against the control panel.

But that didn’t explain how he had gone from the pilot’s seat to this room, chained against the wall as he struggled to breathe. He probably had a concussion, maybe a broken rib, something stabbing into his side, threatening to puncture his lung with every breath. Moving his head drew out a sound of pain, but he looked at the chains, binding him to the wall. His armor was gone, along with his bayard. He wasn’t a paladin anymore. He was just Keith Kogane, a boy who was simply stuck to a wall.

The sound of footsteps drew his attention to the door. His eyes slanted, and he froze.

One footstep, two footsteps, three.

He let out the breath he hadn’t known he had been holding as the sounds faded away. It didn’t take a genius to figure out where he was. Shiro had told him so much late at night as the remnants of a flashback lingered in his eyes, and he had looked with Keith with fear, so much fear. Shiro had told him about the patterns, the steps in between the guard rotations.

As plans of escape filled his mind, a sudden terror filled his lungs. He had heard Shiro, seconds before the crash, calling for him. If Shiro was here, Keith didn’t know if he could stand it. The black paladin was so strong, but there was a vunerability to him. Shiro was so strong, and he took care of Keith, in fact he took care of all the paladins. What would they do if he was gone?

The thought made his chest clench up, and he felt his breaths become slowly more and more erratic. It hurt to breathe, and Keith felt his chest flare up with pain, both internal and external as he forced himself to control the panic. He couldn’t freak out, not here, not now, without anyone to help him. In, out, in, out. Closing his eyes, he ignores the pain in his chest as a voice rings through his mind, soothing his nerves.

_“Keith.” The voice is now very clearly Shiro’s, soothing and calm. “Breathe. Just breathe.”_

For a moment that’s all he does. Breathe in, breathe out. Ragged breaths escaped his mouth as he forced the feelings of anxiety down. Ignore the footsteps passing by. In. out. Shiro’s voice echoed thorough his head, and he pushed the thoughts away. Someone would come for him. They would find him. He wouldn’t be left here alone. They would find him. They would save him. He could wait. They would come for him. Shiro was safe, and the paladins never left anyone behind, even for the betterment of the universe.

Someone would come for him.

They came for him.

The door whooshed open, and Keith slammed his eyes shut, the sudden light invading his space. There had been three figures, Galra soldiers by the looks of it, their shining metal armor reflecting light from the hallway. Keith almost snorted. The scratches on his own paladin armor reminded him of the trials he had faced, and of his predecessor, who had fought for so much more than himself. The polished, unmarked surface of these soldiers armors held the bodies of monsters who had no purpose.

As he curled up, Keith suddenly became conscious on how vulnerable he was. Left in his dark bodysuit, he had nothing. Even back on Earth, he had had his hunting knife, a sharp beautiful thing to keep him safe at any moment. But now, he was cold, he was hungry, he was dirty.

Two of them uncuffed him, and the tension in his shoulders eased, letting air pass more easily into his fragile lungs. Taking in those heavenly gulps of oxygen, his brain rejoiced, before one of the guards roughly pulled him up, shoving him towards the door. The sudden pain made him cry out, and he turned his head to glare at the masked face.

“The druids wish to see you.” The guard said in a monotone voice. Keith couldn’t blame him. After all, how boring of a life would it be to live as a Galra guard, constantly living based off of the word of a single, possibly immortal being?

“Fuck you.” Keith said, spitting at the guard, before he felt his arm being twisted. Gritting his teeth, he stopped himself from screaming, as the muscles in his arm protested. He walked in stubborn silence the rest of the way, limping along in front of the guards. Even injured, he could probably somehow fight his way out of this, take that one’s gun, and go down this hallway…

He had to stop as he looked at the room in front of him. The door had just slid open, and it was simple, almost identical to the one he had just come from, save one thing. The figure was looking to the side, but the long white hair, embroidered cloak, and those hands. The hands that he saw creating quintessence, the ones that could probably cut his life off in a second.

Haggar.

He backed up slowly, only to feel smooth metal. The guards had left, and the door had closed, and it didn’t seem like it was going to open any time soon. The druid hadn’t turned, hadn’t made any indication to acknowledge his presence. Maybe if he could just get away somehow, move before she-

“The Red Paladin.” She called out, her voice raspy. The sound grated on his ears, but he froze. It felt as if moving a single muscle would set off a chain of events that he wouldn’t be able to control, and it took every inch of control to not breathe to loudly, to not make the sense of dread in his gut obvious.

He should have known better. A paladin of Voltron in the hands of their enemy was no easy task. They had spent months in space, recollecting themselves for the inevitable fight against Zarkon, and it had been foolish of them to rescue Allura, he had said as much, but they had won.

At least that was what he had thought at the time.

He hadn’t met the druid, other from the time in the ship, and that hadn’t necessarily been a meeting of any sorts. But the confrontation had been enough to let Keith know what she was capable of. Images of the creatures they had fought flashed in his mind, as well as Shiro’s arm. She, she was the cause of all this, Zarkon’s right-hand woman. And her attention was focused on him. Yellow eyes met his, and there was silence, uneasy silence between the two. She obviously wanted something from him, and he would die before he gave it to her. Seconds felt like years, until he saw a smile spread across her face. It chilled him to the bone, but he stood still, feeling battered in his clothes.

“I’ve been waiting for you.” She said, tilting her head slightly, before walking over, with inaudible footsteps. “Paladin of the Red Lion, the most temperamental and the most unstable of all the Voltron lions. Rumor has it that it only chooses a pilot that relies more on instinct then skill alone.” She commented, before approaching him. “But I have heard of your skill too. How fun it will be to break you, to break Voltron.”

Her voice was steady, though the lilt of her voice showed nothing about her. Keith hadn’t realized until that moment what little information he had on his enemies. Why had Zarkon decided to rule the universe? Why had he had the black bayard? What even was Haggar?

The druid stood an arm’s length away from him, and Keith dug his nails into his hand as he stared back. In no way would he let them see his hesitancy, or let her know of the anxiety running through him.

“Of course, the other paladins have yet to know of your location. Just wait until they hear your pretty little voice.”

Keith didn’t know what happened next. His mind flashed white, and he distantly heard screaming, before the shock settled. Lightning ran through his body, and he realized that he was screaming, that every feeling that he had felt before was being amplified, and the only thing filling up the space between his ears was white noise. The only bliss was the darkness around the edge of his vision, opening its arms as he lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit:
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support!
> 
> I'll be a bit busy until Friday (School is totally kicking my butt), but I'll be writing little bits and pieces. Hopefully by the weekend, you guys will get a chapter two! So, kudos, comments, subscriptions, and bookmarks are much appreciated <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one will be a little longer since half of it will be Shiro's POV, and half will be Keith's.  
> Little bit of time progression in between the two of them too. 
> 
> I've always HCed that Shiro, Matt, and Keith were like the LancexHunkxPidge trio, only a few years back. It would explain how Shiro knew Katie, and Keith knew of Matt, and of Katie, even though PIdge didn't know him. You feel? Anyways yeah. Mentioned that a bit.
> 
> Also Pidge and Keith have the best friendship ever, and you can fight me on this. They're both sarcastic as hell, and smart, so you know it's a thing.

“What do you mean that the Red Lion is gone?”

Shiro sat at his usual spot, tension making his body stiff and unmoving. The other paladins looked at him with worry, but Pidge had a knowing glance. If anyone knew what he was feeling right now, it was her. Allura had just sat down at the head of the table, and her face was unmoving as she had uttered a single, condemning sentence.

Allura sat up straighter, her white hair pulled up into a tight bun. It had been weeks after the battle with Zarkon, and everyone had managed to get back to the castle, one way or another. Shiro had showed up first, with Pidge in tow, and Lance and Hunk had managed to get their attention, allowing for a quick, if not messy rescue.

Everyone except Keith.

“The Lions are connected to my life force, my father made sure of that.” Allura started, before letting out a sigh. “But I fear that after Keith battled Zarkon, it sustained enough damage that the systems may have crashed. Although the lions have their own being, they still need their physical form to exist.”

Pidge nodded thoughtfully. “When I crashed, it took several minutes before Green even turned on. Red was already banged up after Keith decided to take on Zarkon, so I’m sure that some type of system failure was inevitable.”

Terror struck through Shiro and he stared at her. “Are you saying that it’s gone? The Red Lion doesn’t exist? What about Keith?”

Keith had always been the moodiest of the group, but weeks, weeks had gone by without a single word from him. None of the planets had heard of anything that could have possibly happened to the Red Paladin. Shiro was on edge 24/7, waiting, just waiting for a word about his boyfriend. Coran had speculated that Keith was simply stuck behind worlds, earning him a sharp glare from the paladins, and the advisor had simply disappeared for a day, muttering about his “duties”

“What about the universe?” Lance butted in, looking apologetically at Shiro. “Keith can take care of himself, you don’t have to worry about that Shiro. But without the Lion, we can’t form Voltron!” Chaos erupted, and everyone began voicing their own thoughts. As everyone else ran through their options, Shiro tuned them out.

Keith was tough. He knew that. Orphaned from a young age, they had met at the Garrison. Shiro had been in his graduating year when he met the fighter pilot, a sullen boy who passed the hours brooding in the halls. It wasn’t as if people didn’t gravitate towards him, but rather, it seemed as if the dark-haired boy had been pushing everyone away. He wasn’t in any study groups, and his roommate never knew anything about him.

Shiro had been amazed at how much his personality had changed once Keith entered the simulator. It was as if he had a purpose, something to live for, and his eyes would light up with a dangerous fire, pulling his team out of the worst situations imaginable.

It had been intoxicating to watch.

He would always exit with a triumphant smirk, waiting at the back of the classroom before leaving for his room. Top of his class, he had never stayed within his own grade, and had always somehow managed to saunter around the upperclassmen’s rooms. Commander Iverson would always be on the lookout for him, ready to yell about insubordination. Tired of the noise, Matt had dragged him into their dorm room one day, surprising Shiro. But Keith had stayed, jutting his chin out at the senior cadets, until one day, he had butted into one of Matt’s scientific observations, leaning over his desk before pointing out what exactly the senior cadet had done wrong in his calculations.

Shiro, Matt and Keith. The three of them were always around, doing whatever they wanted before Kerberous. Keith hadn’t ever fit in with his classmates, and the Garrison had shoved him into the upperclassmen’s courses, letting him stay with the pair he felt most comfortable with. Matt had always joked that they were all gay as hell, but Shiro had never truly understood until he had been on that rooftop with Keith, watching the stars. He had been telling Keith about some star, when he had turned to see Keith staring at him like he had never seen him before. It was as if a blank space filled Shiro’s memory then, because all he could remember was Keith’s lips on his, and they had been kis-

“Shiro.”

A voice cut through the haze of his mind, and he looked around, to see everyone staring at him.

“What?” he asked, defensively, eyeing them as if daring them to say anything.

“We were talking about what we were going to be doing about missions. We can’t form Voltron, but we can still fight. Maybe we shouldn’t take on the big things until we’ve successfully located the Red Lion.” Pidge said, before tilting her head slightly. “And Keith. After all, someone has to pilot it, and I don’t think any of you can except for him.”

Katie. She was so strong, losing everything, but she had made her way back to the top, and now she was looking at him through those glasses, and he knew that he’d have to answer, if not for his sake, then for everyone else’s.

“Oh, um yeah.” Shiro stuttered, before sitting up straighter and looking at them all. The dynamics of the group had just been off. Without Keith, there wasn’t the fire to balance them all out. If anything, Shiro needed to maintain his leadership composure. Keith wasn’t dead yet. He couldn’t be dead. Not yet.

“Definitely. Without Voltron, we won’t stand a chance against any of Zarkon’s or Haggar’s creatures. For now, we evade. We should be able to help out some of the smaller communities without too much trouble. Hopefully as we hop around, we’ll hear some type of news about Keith.”

The others nodded in agreement, and slowly started to disperse, heading towards their usual activities for the day. Watching them all leave slowly, he buried his head in his hands, letting out a sigh as he held back the flurry of emotions rising in his throat. When he had rushed back to Earth, he hadn’t exactly been planning of becoming the leader of a couple of cadets only a few years younger than him. But he had managed, even if it was through bullshit words and barely calculated decisions. Maybe one day he could manage to live without responsibilities, but as he sat at the table, he knew that it wasn’t today.

Before the silence could completely settle in, he felt a small pair of arms wrap around him. Looking up, he looked at Pidge, who had her head on his shoulder.

“We’ll find him. He’s out there somewhere. Even if….” She paused, before swallowing. “Even if they have him, maybe he’s with Matt. He’ll be fine. He’s strong.”

Shiro could hear the roughness of her voice, and knew that he wasn’t the only one biting back tears. Keith and Pidge had become an inseparable combo, with their sarcasm and quick wits. And she had already lost so many people in her life. She couldn’t afford to lose Keith. He couldn’t afford to lose Keith. None of them could afford to lose Keith.

He stood up carefully and hugged the smaller girl back, feeling her body shake with suppressed sobs. Staying silent, they stood there, waiting, just waiting. Even as her tears subsided, he could feel her hands, grabbing into the back of his vest as they let the silence surround them.

“We’ll find him. I promise. And he’ll be waiting for us.”

 

* * *

 

 

How long had he been in here?

Keith took in a shallow breath as he sat, slumped in one corner of his room. They hadn’t even bothered to chain him up, and had just tossed him into the room before locking the door. It had taken all of his strength to move to his little place of safety, to curl up and stay still.

Safety. It was such a foreign concept by now, lost sometime before Hope, but by now, both were gone.

The first couple of days had been hell. They dragged him back and forth from rooms, where he stood for hours, purple lightning running through his body as they asked him question after question.

_“Where are the lions?” Haggar said in that throaty voice of hers. “Where is the Castle of Lions?”_

As if he had known. After the whole thing with the wormhole, he didn’t even know if anyone was alive, let alone what they were planning. It hadn’t taken them long to figure that out.

But the torture had continued, simply for their enjoyment. Burning blades were driven through his body, and he watched, detached from his body, as blood spilled through the wound, making him lightheaded and woozy. Meaningless questions and statements, day after day, just to abuse him for entertainment. Soldiers would gather as he was held up by some unknown force, stabbed and shocked until all he could do was scream.

He had fought at first. Kicked and spit at them as they cackled, shooting the electricity until it ran up his body in shocks. But he had still fought, kicking and punching at the guards who transported him, until one had slammed him unconscious with the butt of a gun.

Words used to spill out of his mouth as he begged, begged them to stop. That was when the pain had become unbearable: broken bones, infected wounds. Haggar had taken pleasure in his pain, and he drifted in and out of consciousness as she murmured words, though he hadn’t recognized whether or not they were directed at him.

Later that day, the guards had come back, shoving something ice cold and glowing down his throat, and Keith had been disappointed when he found himself alive the next morning, alive when he should have been dead.

They had decided to take care of their plaything from that point on, and Keith had been a fool to think that his life could have gotten any better. Hope was weak, but the foolish human nature deceived him time and time again as the pain became more unbearable than ever. The druids had put their hands into his mind, reawakening memories that filled the deepest part of him, forcing him to relive the dreadful ones while they soured the only good memories he could awaken. Days and weeks later, he could still feel his past experiences creeping their way onto his skin, reminding that he was simply due a life of pain and misery.  

_He could see his father, standing over him and snarling, a thin pipe in his hand. His mother was screaming at him in the background, Japanese and Korean combined all together. He had done something wrong again, like the dumb little boy he was. All he could do was curl up and whimper as the beating came, metal colliding with his small frame. If he stayed still and quiet, it would be over faster, and he could go hide, and he forced the whimpers to die in his throat as he curled up and tears ran down his face slowly._

_He was lying in the wreckage of the car. It had been snowing outside, light fluffs that gathered on the broken edges of the front windshield. Everything was blurry, but he would see red splatters around his parents’ heads, and he reached over to his mother, only to feel her cold body. Even in the cold, there was steam curling around the front of the car, and Keith pushed his car door open, only to stumble into a snowbank, a stranger running over as he realized that his parents had died._

_He was standing in front of a house, and the service worker stood behind him, telling him to go in, that this was his home now. She was lying. This wasn’t even the right country. This wasn’t home. The front door opened, and Keith glared at the woman that had emerged. He didn’t want to be here, and as the strange woman smiled at him and gestured for him to come in, his feet rooted themselves into the sidewalk._

_He was sitting in a dark alley, wet and cold. He couldn’t stay at that house anymore. Everyone was too nice. Too nice. Something would go wrong and they would hurt him. Where was his mom, where was his mom, where was his mom… The memories of the car crash filled his mind, and as the chills ran through his body, he wondered if that was how it felt to be dead. It must be terrible to die, he had decided. If dying meant that you were cold and alone, he would rather much be alive._

_Commander Iverson was pulling him back to his room. He didn’t want to be there, where he knew no one, where the walls reminded him too much of the hospital, where he could imagine old people, coughing, dying. His roommate only ever gave him glares and the quiet din of the dorm with its creaking bed reminded him of only bad memories. No, no, no. He wanted to be back in Shiro’s arms, He wanted to be warm and safe and alive._

_He was sitting in his dorm room. Shiro and Matt came back today. Shiro hadn’t called in weeks. Keith was going to drag him away from everyone else, have him all to himself. After all, the last time Shiro had called from space, some number of light years away, he had promised that he would take Keith in his arms and never let go.  The TV from the other room blared, disturbing his thoughts, and Keith went to investigate. He froze in front of the room, watching as three faces flashed onto the screen. No, this was a lie, Shiro was coming back, and Shiro was coming for him. He had promised_

Keith sat somewhere between reality and fantasy, eyes blank. Physical pain barely mattered to him at this point. Everything was in his head, everything was internalized. If he hid himself away, they couldn’t hurt him. If he died, they couldn’t hurt him. It was the only comfort he could assure himself. He supposed that it was pitiful. As a soldier, he was supposed to be an unstoppable force. As a Paladin of Voltron, he was supposed to be a symbol of hope and peace. But in his cell, with only the quiet din of the lights outside to keep him company, he had no power, no hope, and no peace.

He used to look for that comfort in the back of his mind, where Red would reassure him with the weird sort of communication that they had. But he hadn’t heard her a single time. Nothing. For the first time in months, Keith had to remind himself that he was truly alone, and that no one was going to help him, except for himself.

It had been too long. Allura, Coran, Lance, Hunk, Pidge, Shiro, all probably thought he was dead, if they had even looked for him in the first place. It was the only reason that they hadn’t come for him. They would have come for him. If not for him, then for Red. They must have assumed that he was gone, that he had died after the battle with Zarkon. If he had to guess, Allura would have pulled them through, and even Shiro would have gone on without him. It was a painful thought, but Keith knew that it was for the better.

He was alone.

He was alone and broken.

Death would be easier

Death would be bliss. It threatened sometimes, and all he wanted to do was fade away, forget everything. It would all be over if he could just take that one step. He had almost grasped it many times, the feel of falling into nothing, but they always brought him back before then. Right before he would fall off that unwavering cliff of existence, they did something, anything to slam him back into reality’s hard surface. They wouldn’t let their toy go.

Rocking himself back and forth slowly, he mumbled to himself in Korean, the footsteps of approaching soldiers warning him of what was to come, day after day. It was a boring, monotonous rhythm that he had come to know as well as the sharp feeling of electricity eating at his skin. The footsteps stopped in front of his door, and Keith pushed all emotion away, and in his place was a corpse, rather than any semblance of who he was, if that Keith even existed. He could hear a guffaw, and what little light streamed into his room was replaced by the shadow of a head.

“Look at that. That’s the Paladin of Voltron.”

Seeing the door open a crack, Keith let out a whimper. They had never taken him there twice in one day. He didn’t want to go. Leave him alone, leave him alone. He could survive once, but the aching of his muscles and the pain that never seemed to end had barely eased.

“Nah man, that’s just some insane old dude. Let’s go.”

The door closed with a slam, the sound reverberating through his skull. He supposed he was supposed to feel comforted, alone for a few hours before they dug through his mind again, before the electricity, the knives, the scorn.

After all, this was safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was actually really fun to write! I wrote all of Shiro's POV, and it was 813 words before editing, and Keith's was even better! Once I started, the words just kept flowing out and out, and then whoops. I had a chapter. 
> 
> Just remember that there was a couple months in between the two POV's so Keith's been in there for months :^)  
> Ah yes, angst my old friend.
> 
> The chapter's a little longer than the last one, but I hope you guys didn't mind
> 
> As always, kudos, comments, subscriptions, and bookmarks are loved! Thanks for your guys' continued support. Yell at me at[ fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com](http://fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as much action in this chapter, but it's a little longer, a little bit more development.  
> This is going to be slow and bitter folks

_Shiro sat across from him, and their feet were touching underneath the table. It would almost be relaxing, if Matt wasn’t hitting him over the head with a pencil. A stack of books sits beside the group, but Keith can’t even focus on the one in front of him. Not with Shiro right there. Matt had insisted that the group head to the library to “study” as if they had ever actually attempted true studying._

_“Would you quit it?” he asked, glaring at the raggedy boy sitting next to him. Matt been digging the end of his pencil into Keith’s ribs, bringing him back into the very boring present._

_Matt gave him an impish smile before pointing at the textbook in front of him. “Not until you understand thermodynamics. We have a test tomorrow and you-“he paused before turning to point the pencil at Shiro, “and you are going to pass, or so help me.”_

_Keith let out a groan. “I can’t understand any of this bullshit.” It was a lie of course. Although he could understand the information with ease, a skill that annoyed Matt to no end, he would much rather prefer this boring room with Shiro’s legs resting against his instead of the quiet white dorm room he would be confined to instead. “It’s not like our professor does either, and you can’t tell me otherwise.”_

_Shiro laughed, silencing quickly after a glare from Matt. Keith would much rather be sitting next to his boyfriend than this menace, but Matt had given them no choice. The moment Keith had slid into the chair besides Shiro, Matt had grabbed him by the ear before pulling him to the other side of the table. It had taken Holt surprisingly little time to figure out Shiro and Keith’s relationship, though Keith supposed finding them making out on his bed hadn’t helped._

_“You should. The Garrison didn’t put you on accelerated learning for nothing. You should understand the shit going on in your craft as you’re flying it.” Matt countered, “I hope your sim explodes one day because you didn’t understand the shit you’re putting your craft to.” Before Keith could retort, Matt pushed the bridge of his glasses up, peering at the textbook and pointing at a rather lengthy passage. “Memorize that part. I’ll be right back.”_

_Keith peered at the section, filled with words too long, and symbols he hadn’t even known existed. Sighing, he leaned back in his chair, looking at Shiro. Unlike Keith, he was gazing at the text with a rapturous look, as if he could absorb all the knowledge just by gracing it with his presence._

_What was Keith kidding? Of course Shiro could. No one became the Garrison’s golden boy by doing nothing._

_Tapping his foot against Shiro’s, the other finally looked up, giving Keith an easy grin._

_“Matt is going to kill you if you don’t know that by the time he gets back.”_

_“I’d like to see him try.” Keith scoffed, “I’ll run him over with a craft.”_

_Shiro laughed at that, grey eyes twinkling as he looked at Keith with admiration. But something else was hiding behind those eyes, something that made Keith’s gut twist with malice. Biting down the strange emotion, Keith looked around, squinting. For some reason, the rest of the library looked blurry, and Keith rubbed his eyes as he turned back to Shiro._

_“I doubt he’d let you. But it’d be a valiant effort babe.”_

_“Valiant effort? That’s it?” Keith said, rolling his eyes. “I thought I was the best pilot here.”_

_“No you’re not.”_

_Keith looked at Shiro, before pushing his chair back, the wood clattering as it hit the floor. Shiro’s eyes had turned a deep yellow, familiarity striking his stomach. This couldn’t be real, not here. Sudden realization must have flashed in his eyes, because Keith reached for where the bayard should have appeared in his hand, but there was no way to stop a nightmare._

_“You know what else a valiant effort is paladin? Trying to hide your memories. You can’t hide in your dreams anymore.”_

Keith screamed.

 

* * *

 

“Pidge, you need to stop drinking those.”

Raising a middle finger towards the voice, Pidge continued clicking away on her keyboard, drinking the strangely colored slime in the cup. Beside her, Lance shrugged at who she considered Allura, but didn’t hesitate to top off her cup. Through the past months, Pidge had grabbed every piece of spare alien technology she could grab her hands on, building an impressively massive computer room. Programs ran on the screens in front of her, her eyes flicking nonstop..

“I’m serious. Although it may be similar to your Earth’s….” Allura paused, looking for the word.

“Coffee.” Lance supplied, holding up the pitcher before eyeing it with suspicion.

“Yes, coffee, it contains many more stimulants that-“

“That will help me find Keith.”

A sigh reached her ears, but she didn’t stop, she couldn’t. It had been months since Allura had told the group of the Red Lion’s disappearance. Although some were still grasping onto hope, Pidge knew better.

After all, just because the Galra didn’t _say_ that they had the Red Lion, didn’t mean that they didn’t have it.

“Pidge, sooner or later, your body will crash.”

“She’ll drop like a log.” Lance said, dozing off besides her. In any other situation, Pidge would have sympathized with him. After all, he had spent the entire day, moving gallons of this disgusting drink, just so that Pidge could chug it down every five minutes. Coran had found the antique barrels downstairs, twisting a tale of King Alfor planning a strategic move while ingesting the liquid. It had taken her only a sip to find it useful, and she had taken a barrel to her room, against the protests of the others.

But she had to do this. She had to find Keith.

“You should get some sleep Pidge.” Was all Allura said before walking away, leaving a dozing Lance, and a furious, caffeine driven Pidge. She ignored her, although she knew exactly what the princess was talking about. She could feel it down to her very bones. The weariness was being compressed, overlaid by a sense of energy and bliss brought by the drink. Despite its dreary color, the taste was something that Pidge couldn’t even begin to describe.

Taking another gulp from her cup, she barely noticed as Lance nodded away, a bit of drool escaping the corner of his mouth. Shiro had taken over the training room, as if he stayed there long enough, Keith would come walking in through the doors, bayard in hand. Coran and Hunk were busy fixing up the ship and the remaining lions, though their list of things to do was barely nonexistential at this point. Allura monitored the systems, searching for the tug in her mind that would alert them of the Red Lion’s presence, and hopefully its paladin’s as well.

But nothing. No leads, no nothing had come back from all their work, and one by one, they had all become sullen and hopeless. Only Pidge could maintain focus, surrounded by all the technology around her, tracking as she drank cup after cup.

Coran had warned that she might be stunting her growth with the amount she had been drinking, but she had only one purpose in life: to find her family.

And Keith was a member of it.

Suddenly, she pulled up the feeds from a faraway Galra ship. The ship looked rather inconspicuous, but at this point, Pidge was willing to take anything. It seemed as if it was some sort of cargo ship, meant to move things from one planet to another. But this ship…hadn’t landed in months.

Attacking her keyboard in a fury, Pidge’s face knit in concentration. One wrong move, one wrong move and the Galra would know that it was her, that she was looking. Then they would hurt…no, they would kill Keith. Lance muttered besides her, and she almost rolled her eyes. Scrolling through the ships’ records logs, she could feel the hope draining out of her again. At this rate, she would never find K-

Keith.

Shooting up, she knocked her cup to the side, splattering it over Lance, jolting him awake with a yelp.

“What the hell Pi-“he stopped, seeing her face.

Pushing her chair back, she shot out of the room, running down the hallway towards the training room. Lance’s surprised yells followed after her, and panting, she swung the door of the training room open. It took her a moment, and she bent over, ridiculously out of breath as she stared at the Black paladin, who hadn’t even turned around.

“Shiro!” she yelled, curling over, taking in deep breaths. Her limbs felt sluggish, and she could feel the hours of sleeplessness catching up to her. It was almost karma that Allura had just told her about the possibility of an energy crash, and the moment she had information, she was going to pass out. But she had to tell Shiro, she had to tell Shiro that-

“I found him.”

Shiro whirled around suddenly, eyes watching her. The door opened again, Lance staring at the two of them. Pidge almost couldn’t believe the words erupting from her mouth, but she knew it was true. After nearly a year, she had found him, she had found Keith.

“I was tracking a Galra ship, but they hadn’t landed in months so I went searching a little deeper and there’s something strange, something strangely large in their cargo.” She rambled, unable to stop. “All the description says is that it’s damaged and huge. It’s Red, I know it is. And they had records of a prisoner. A prisoner on a cargo ship Shiro. What kind of cargo ship would have a _prisoner?”_

Shiro stayed quiet, and silence filled the room. He didn’t believe her, and she was falling asleep on her feet just staring at him, waiting for a response. Finally, he looked up, and she realized that Shiro, Shiro was _crying._ She froze, stumbling back into Lance’s arms as her legs gave out on her. Hope surged through her veins, and if she wasn’t so tired, she could jump into Green and run off right away.

Lance held her up, looking at her with endearment, pride, and something else that Pidge couldn’t quite decipher, but it didn’t matter now.

“Allura told you to stop drinking all that.” He muttered, as Shiro came closer to the pair. Pidge smiled up at him lazily, shrugging.

“’s ok. I found him.” She replied. It had been over a year, a year that the world had suffered without their only hope, a year that the team had spent dreary over the loss over their right arm, a year that Keith had been a Galran prisoner.

“You did. Now let’s get you to bed.” Shiro said, and she let his words lull him away, imagination rampant as she escaped to her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh! I missed this fic so much.  
> Sheith week was really fun, but it's not the same y'know?
> 
> Find me at [ fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com](http://fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter yet.  
> Why?  
> It's got 3 POV's  
> gASP
> 
> Ok, now I've got to go study for my Art History test so have fun y'all

The doors opened with a slight hiss of air, and Haggar looked up, her mood quickly dropping as she looked at the Galran soldier in front of her. Months in this dreary end of space had quickly ground down on her nerves and patience, which had barely existed in the first place.

“What is it?” she asked, displeasement clear in her voice. Inwardly she smiled at how uncomfortable the soldier looked, shifting his weight between his feet before finally clearing his throat.

“They’ve locked onto our location.”

Surprise blossomed on her face. She had objected when Zarkon had given her this…measly cargo ship, but it seemed as if the emperor had known what he was doing. They had known that they wouldn’t have forever for their plans, but she had hoped for just a bit more time. Observations from the Red Lion had been relatively successful, and with the information that the emperor had supplied, it had been easy to recover what they needed, even if it ran at the cost of losing one of the lions.

It must have been the little one. Evidence of someone’s tampering had been found repeatedly whenever Voltron attacked, and they had only one clue: video footage from one of their surveillance bots before the feed went black. In it, Galran soldiers had reported the Green Paladin’s image surfacing before their access had been completely denied.

“Hm. Interesting.” She said, standing up and slowly walking around the vast room. Her room was easily the third largest, after the control room and the main cargo room where the Red Lion was being held. It allowed for her continued experimentation, even when she was so far away from their main fleet, and her main sources of entertainment. She desperately missed the excitement that filled her body every time cries echoed down the halls of Zarkon’s ship. But the red paladin had been a nice change in scenery.

“How long has it been?” She asked, looking at him expectantly. He paused, as if misunderstanding her words, but one harsh glare from her amber eyes and the words escaped his mouth like a waterfall.

“It’s been almost thirteen months since Voltron’s attack on Emperor Zarkon. We’re estimating that the rest of the paladins will be here by the end of the week. The evidence of hacking was reported ten minutes ago, although we cannot determine by who, when, or where. But Emperor Zarkon has ordered us to prepare for departure.” The soldier reported, and moved back to attention.

Haggar groaned. Just a bit more time. Just a bit more time was all she needed to finish her job, to not let Zarkon down again. Admittedly, it had taken longer than she had thought to break down the red paladin. He was surprisingly similar to his mate, although you wouldn’t know it from his personality. Brash, rageful, but strong. His mind had resisted her, strong as hammered steel, until she had gone inside him, and ripped it to shreds. Now she only had one thing more to do…

“Prepare the escape pods for the crew. Prepare a conference with the main fleet as well.” She ordered, and the soldier stood up straighter in acknowledgement. She wouldn’t be able to establish all the connections necessary, but she still had a few quick tricks up her sleeve. She wouldn’t meet her goal, but hopefully, hopefully she could cripple Voltron from within.

“It’ll be a quick job, but it’ll have to do. The Red paladin may live, but he’ll never escape.”

“Vrepit sa.”

 

* * *

 

 

Pidge blinked lazily, light eyes slowly opening, only to be met with darker ones. Her mind struggled to catch up, but suddenly everything came back to her and she shot up, hitting Lance in the face. He let out a yelp of pain, a steady stream of Spanish cuss words leaving his mouth. Wincing, he sat back, eyes slitted.

“That’s twice. Twice in less than three days! Why can’t anyone on this ship leave me alone?” he yelped, and grabbing his nose. If anything, she knew that he was faking, trying to hide something else with his usual flamboyant nature, but she didn’t have time to deal with it. Her memories had hit her like a train, and she wanted to get to the bridge of the ship as fast as possible.

“Shut your whining.” Pidge mumbled. Fatigue spread through her bones, and every movement made her just want to fall back to sleep.

How long had she been sleeping?

Lance gave her a look, as if reading her mind. She supposed he had, especially since she hadn’t had much on it in the first place.

“It’s only been two days. Allura wanted to stick you in one of the cyro-pods because you were totally out of it. But we voted against it, especially since we figured sticking you in a weird space machine wasn’t the best idea after you’d spent a week drinking weird space slop.”

Pidge shot him a grateful look, managing to swing her feet off of the bed and unsteadily rise to her feet. Lance gave her a look of confusion, watching her as she trudged towards the door. Whatever had been in that drink obviously had some nasty after effects. Thinking back, the taste had reminded of her of her Garrison adventures, specifically when the junior cadets had had the brilliant idea of mixing energy drinks with vodka. She hadn’t felt that great the morning after, and had been surprised that she had been alive.

Pidge supposed the same idea could be applied in this situation.

“You know, you just got up.” He said, pushing himself off of the chair and following her. “You should take it easy.” He shuffled behind her, and she half suspected it was to make sure she didn’t collapse. But she needed to be in the lab, now, if she were to do anything useful.

“You think Keith is taking it easy?” She asked, continuing her trek down the hallway.

“Hey, you never know. Maybe he found a pool on the ship there. I’d die for a swim.” Lance said, a sigh escaping his lips. “Or maybe he actually singlehandedly stole a Galran ship and decided to ditch us for a ship of hot alien women. No wait. Men.”

“Shut up Lance.” She said half-heartedly, pushing the door to the lab open. “You really think that Keith would be running a Galran harem without telling us?”

Stepping into the room, Pidge let out a small sound of surprise as three faces looked up to meet hers,  “What…what are you all doing in my room? You didn’t touch anything did you?”

“You know,” Coran started, “this is technically the-“

Pidge cut him off to glare at Hunk. “You did not let them touch my stuff.”

“I didn’t. I’ve been touching it, they’ve been watching.” Hunk replied, not at all worried.

Pidge’s shoulders relaxed, and she trudged over, sitting down as Hunk left her seat. The familiarity encompassed her, and she let out a small sigh of relief. No matter how much stress she had received from these machines, they were always a welcoming embrace. There was something about being with something she could control that gave her a sense of ease. Looking at the screens, she raised an eyebrow before turning to look at Hunk for an explanation.

“I couldn’t read anything, so Allura and Coran were trying to translate the Altean.”

“It’s easier to read in Galran.” Pidge said, loading several pages up again. The rest of the group looked around in surprise, and finally it was Allura who spoke up, although, she knew that they wouldn’t believe her.

“You…you know Galran Pidge?” the princess asked, and they waited silently for a response as Pidge clattered away. Unlocking the rest of the system was a lengthy process, and as she opened access to her massive series, she nodded.

“A bit. It really depends on if I’m given the context or not. Some of the characters repeat a lot since I’ve been looking at logs, so it’s easy to memorize certain ones. After all, it’s not a useless skill. It’s helped me find Keith, hack into their servers, and whatever else.”

Hunk looked over her shoulder, peering at the screen. Pointing at a series of characters, he turned to her. “So what’s that say?”

Pidge didn’t even look up before replying. “It says “Don’t touch my stuff Hunk.””

The yellow paladin slinked away, and Pidge sighed. Clicking around, it took her a few moments before she turned back towards them. “Right here. This is the ship.”

Everyone crowded around her as the page loaded. Pointing to several parts of the screen, Pidge showed them the mentions of a prisoner, and a large, damaged cargo item. Nobody spoke, and Pidge could feel the impending judgement falling on her. After all, if she was wrong, they would never believe her again.

“It’s plausible.” Shiro finally said. Pidge realized it was the first time she had heard him speak up at all, and she turned to look at their leader. He looked exhausted, black rings circling his eyes, a bleak expression covering his face. If anyone was suffering the worst out of them all, it would be Shiro. After all, this was the second time he had been separated from Keith for more than a year.

“So…are we going to try?” Pidge asked, trying not to let excitement creep into her voice. Allura and Shiro looked at each other, as if in some type of mental conversation. Coran and the other two watched them, and they waited, until Shiro gave a nod and the two turned back to look at them.

“We’ll head out tomorrow. Today, you all need to rest.” Pidge almost wanted to protest, but as the princess looked around sharply, she drew in a breath between her teeth instead. “Pidge, you just woke up, and you three haven’t slept since the discovery. No training for today.” She decreed, before getting up and leaving the room.

Lance let out a sigh, and the remaining members of the group turned to look at him. She hadn’t noticed it before, but he looked exhausted, not as much as Shiro, but she knew him well enough to notice the slight downturn of his mouth, the crease between his eyebrows, and the quick fluttering of his eyelashes. Hunk seemed jittery, and Pidge was willing to bet that he had been restlessly fixing anything in hopes of any new information.

“I guess we’re heading to bed then.” Pidge said, standing up. Looking at the rest, she shrugged and left the room. Allura was right. If she wanted to save Keith, she needed to be ready, physically and emotionally.

Walking out of the room, Pidge leaned against the closed door, a hint of a smile on her face.

“We’re coming Keith.”

 

* * *

 

 

Keith opened his eyes.

Everything was silent.

The slight buzz of the lights overhead was the only indication that he was still on the ship, but there was no footsteps of rotating guards, or the low noise of experimentation.

The room was darker, and Keith faintly realized that he was chained up again, in a different room. They had moved him, but no one was around, and his stomach clenched with hunger. It was the only thing he felt anymore, a reminder that he was human. At least he thought.

“H-hello?” He called out weakly, if only to see if anyone was around. His throat closed, unused to speaking after so many months of raw screaming. His voice echoed around the room, and he shivered, staring at the wall in front of him. It was reflective, and he could clearly see himself, bruised and battered, several long, nasty red marks covering his frail-looking form. Once he had been the prime example of an idealized young adult, with his lean muscle and strong frame, but the creature that looked back at him was merely a bundle of sticks. But that wasn’t what shocked him.

Snow white hair was matted on top of his head, streaks of dried blood adhering it to his forehead. It was jagged, and he was briefly reminded of the “haircut” he had received from the soldiers one eventful day. The white hair reminded him of someone…someone who drove a stake through his heart with every thought.

But his eyes.

His natural purple irises gleamed with an abnormal light, as if hiding something within. Keith tugged at the chains, sobs wracking his chest as the amber light slowly grew, before fading away, hiding threateningly behind the purple orbs.

He couldn’t be one of them, he couldn’t have failed.

“No, no, no.” he sobbed, pain more emotional than physical shredding his chest as tears dripped down his face.

_I can’t be one of them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com's](http://fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com) the name, writing's the game. 
> 
> ok but if you're on computer, please go look at my blog. I cleaned it all up and it's got a theme, and pretty little sparkles. I promise you'll love it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this was coming early this week, but...it's been a really rough week. I don't know. I felt like this chapter was a struggle to write honestly, so hopefully you guys like it. I wasn't sure if I wanted to draw out the plot more, or just go, and get it done, but I guess I did a little bit of both. So yeah.
> 
> The poem in this chapter is [ Who Would You Be Today?](http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/best-friends-death) by Joel McKeown. I really feel those lines of the poem right now, so I'm glad I found it. Also, I can imagine Keith reading it after finding out about Shiro dying, although they're obviously more than best friends ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

As soon as they left the wormhole, the only thing that Shiro could feel was an incredible sense of wrong. The Galran cargo ship simply stood there, its lights dimmed, and the complete absence of fighter drones was unsettling. In all the time he had been in space, he hadn’t experienced such inaction from anyone in the Galran fleet. Piloting his lion out of the ship, he stopped a bit away from the castle, as the other paladins lined up beside him. The empty space where Keith should have been only strengthened his resolve to get his boyfriend back. It had been far too long.

Opening the comms, the slight buzz as they connected filled his ears before he heard Hunk’s voice.

“…where are they?” he asked, and Shiro could only agree. Every single time they had come in contact with the Galra, they had fought legions of the small purple crafts, but now, the space between them and the cargo ship only loomed threateningly.

“I have no clue. But the ships lights are dimmed, so I’d assume that no one’s on board the ship. That might be a problem.” Pidge said, and Shiro’s eyebrows furrowed together. If they had come all this way and still hadn’t found Keith…he wasn’t sure the team could take any more of the torture. It had been too long since they had seen him.

“Can we still board it Pidge?” He asked, and she nodded.

“We should, though we might have to blast our way in if the hangars are locked. We should be more worried about the force required doing so since it might actually tip the ship over. But it shouldn’t be a problem. Someone should stay out here though, just in case. We can’t leave Allura and Coran alone in case of an ambush.”

“We’ll be fine paladins.” Allura’s voice cut in. “We have upgraded most of the systems with the technology we’ve discovered during the past few months. I fear that the ambush would most likely take place inside the ship rather than out here. Remember, you must find the Red Lion, and its paladin. They have been sorely missed.”

“She’s right. Pidge, let’s get a way onto the ship, and we’ll go from there. Keep your comms open so that we can communicate at all times. We aren’t leaving anyone behind this time, no matter what. We made that mistake once and we aren’t repeating it.”

“Roger that Captain.” Lance said. “Let’s go get that mullet-head so I can see how long it’s grown out in the past year. If he looks like a girl, I’m giving him shit.”

 

* * *

 

 

“There’s nobody here.”

“You’re a genius Lance.” Pidge remarked. “I thought that people just lived with no lights on all the time. Hm. It’s not as if we haven’t been on a Galran ship before.”

“Whatever. You’re just jealous of my superior intellect.”

“Are you two actually trying to do anything or not?” Hunk finally butted in.

Pidge rolled her eyes before staring at the screen. It had taken her a bit to locate the control room, especially with her nerves. She couldn’t deny the fact that the “ghost ship” as Lance had called it, creeped her out. Finding the control room empty as well, Pidge had gone to work, rewiring the system so that it was, as well as the whole ship, re-operational. The other three paladins were loitering behind her, and as the screen suddenly flared to life, Pidge let out a contented sound before looking back at the other three paladins.

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“Why….why is Haggar’s face on the screen?”

Pidge spun around, mouth opening in surprise as she looked at the druid’s face. The pointed chin only accented the thin purple skin, and if she had been nervous before, Pidge was now filled with a sense of finicky anger. She was thankful that Haggar’s eyes had been covered by the hood of her cloak.

“I think it’s a video clip. Can’t be a feed because the system was down.”

“Play it.”

Shiro’s voice rang through the room, and they all paused before Pidge’s fingers tapped a single button on the screen. Nothing happened, and Pidge had been about to close it down before she heard something terrible.

Keith was screaming. Not only screaming, but terrible, animalistic sounds that shouldn’t, couldn’t escape from anyone, anything human. Her eyes stayed glued to the screen as the sounds suddenly cut off, and Haggar looked at them. Pidge took an involuntary step backwards as the glowing eyes met hers. She had been here. But more importantly, she had been here and she had hurt Keith.

_“Hello paladins of Voltron. I understand that you’re here to take back your prize.”_

Pidge sucked in a shallow breath. Was that all humans were to this alien race? Prizes? Moving toys for their entertainment?

_”I have to admit that I’ve become rather attached to this one. So much pain, so much sadness, even before I laid a finger on him. But he was strong. If you must know, he fought for quite a while.”_

Pidge could hear Shiro behind her, the low sound of his arm threatening to blaze to life. But besides that, none moved a muscle, as if Haggar would rip through the image and attack them. They had all been hopeful, since they had known that Keith had been stronger than any of them. It wasn’t to glorify the Red Paladin, but it took more courage than they had to live through what Keith had lived through.

_“But everyone falls apart somehow. Isn’t that right Champion?”_

There was an uneasy pause, and Pidge held her breath, hoping, praying, that the next thing she saw wouldn’t be a lifeless body. Reaching back, she grabbed Shiro’s human hand. They had done so much, so much to get Keith back. If it had all been in vain…

_“I recently learned of a quite beautiful piece of work that your paladin showed to me. I deemed it fitting to tell you bits of it. After all, it fits our situation beautifully._

_Could you imagine a pain so deep down inside_  
That it can not be summarized in words you simply can write  
A pain that touches your toes and up to the top of the ceiling  
You can't eat, you can't sleep, that is the pain that I am feeling.”

Shiro’s grip on her suddenly tightened, and Pidge squeezed back in acknowledgement. She had found the poem tucked into one of Keith’s pockets one day, and before the other had put it away, he offered only one word to explain.

Shiro.

_“Remember paladins. Not everything is as you left it.”_

With that, the screen flickered back to normal, and Pidge flew to the keys. She had to hurry. While on the Castle, she had found records of Keith’s presence. If she could find those, then they could find Keith. Unlike the others, she had suspected that something had gone wrong during Keith’s silence, but she hadn’t expected anything to this extent. The lines of the poem rang in her ears, and she barely heard the conversation going on behind her.

“That…that wasn’t Keith was it?” Hunk said, his voice barely a whisper. “No one can make sounds like that.”

“It was. We’ve got to hurry.” Shiro said, walking up besides Pidge. “Can you find where he is?”

“He was here.” She said, pointing towards a room. Taking in a breath, she forced her tone to stay even. “But he’s not anymore. But Shiro…”

“Yeah?”

“There was a camera in his room. I…I could download the ship’s feeds and we…we could see what they-“

Shiro placed his prosthetic palm against the panel, and Pidge nodded, understanding. No matter what they found, it was something that they needed to know. If the video had been any indication of what was to come, they needed the feeds. It only took a few moments to start the download, and the Pidge waited impatiently before the screen dimmed.

“That’s it?”

“That should be all of it. Keith hasn’t left the ship, at least from what the records say, though, I don’t know if they document that sort of thing. Red should be in the hangar next to the one we came in through. They left her because they couldn’t repair her, even after 13 months. I can’t imagine what happened when they crashed, but we need to get her to the castle. We’ll just have to look for Keith.”

“I’ll take Red back to the castle.” Shiro said, and the other three looked at him with disbelieving eyes. “I know that I should look for Keith. But he’s not going to be able to pilot his lion, and Black’s the only one big enough to carry Red. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

Pidge watched as he tapped his helmet, and walked out of the room, no doubt talking to Allura about Red’s transportation. Lance leaned against Hunk, and they watched his figure disappear down the hallway.

“He doesn’t want to see Keith.” Lance said, surprised.

“He has PTSD Lance. We don’t know what state Keith will be in, but as much as Shiro loves him, we need to find him. Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

 

The hallways were dark, though Lance could vaguely see thanks to the lights attached to his paladin suit. It had been a solid half hour since they had left the control room, and Pidge had told Lance to go to the bottom floor to search for Keith. He was nearing the end of the hallway, and every single one of the rooms had been empty. He was about to call it quits before his foot ran into something, making him trip and sprawl on the ground.

“What the quiznak?” he muttered, pushing himself up. Squinting at the ground, he felt around before his fingers wrapped around a handle. It took a few tries before he finally managed to crank open the trapdoor, the musty air that had been trapped below suddenly reaching his nose. Coughing, he turned on his comm, not sure of what he had found.

“Hey, Pidge?”

“Yeah?”

“I found this trapdoor thing. Don’t know what it is. Should I check it out?”

A second passed by, and Lance could hear her on the other end, typing away.

“Oh yeah. That should be where they kept all their actual cargo. There’s no air ventilation in there though.”

“I can tell. It smells like the Garrison during physicals.”

“Do not remind me of that fucking place.”

“Language young lady. I’m going down.”

“Be careful.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com](http://fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com)'s the name, writing's the game.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since I've updated this o_o
> 
> But this chapter is particularily long because I was seeing how long it would take me to write around 3000 words, since that's how long I want my Voltron SS fic to be. But I only got exactly 2k words for this ;;
> 
> Ps, please read the end notes.

As soon as his feet had his the ground, Lance had pulled out his bayard, a sense of comfort filling him as the rifle extended in his hand. The room left nothing for the imagination, with boxes with only God knew what inside. The stench was almost unbearable, and Lance silently questioned why he had even slid down the ladder in the first place.

Keith.

Pidge and Hunk, even with all their tinkering in the control room and scans of the ship’s interior, hadn’t found a trace of the Red Paladin. It had hurt to hear the desperation in Pidge’s voice as she went through each room, hoping to find Keith inside.  

“Why are cargo ships so fucking big?” He muttered. Absentmindedly, he kicked at a box besides him, flinching as the entire tower threatened to topple. Moving away slowly, Lance let out a sigh of relief as the boxes assumed their initial position.  

“Keith? Buddy? You in here?”

His voice echoed down the dimly lit room, and Lance almost sighed. He wasn’t about to go back up there empty handed, especially now that they had found the Lion. If they only found Red and not Keith…

No. They were going to find Keith, even if the mullet didn’t want saving. They were not taking the alternative option.

As he walked around the room, navigating around the piles of cargo stacked all around him, he couldn’t help but feel nervous. For the past couple of months, all of them, every single one of them had wanted this, no matter what it took.

Thirteen months. Thirteen months of searching, of rebuilding, of waiting. Lance would rather fight Zarkon than go through that experience again.

_“What about the universe?” Lance butted in, looking apologetically at Shiro. “Keith can take care of himself, you don’t have to worry about that Shiro. But without the Lion, we can’t form Voltron!” Lance almost flinched as Shiro’s face changed, worried about his boyfriend and the universe at the same time. If anyone else had gone through what those two had gone through, Lance was sure that they wouldn’t be sane. But Keith would be fine._

For once in his life, he hoped that he was right. At the time, he had believed it. Keith had always been the best pilot, the best fighter. He had almost expected him to fly back to the castle one day, furious that no one had found him. But the days had passed, and every time his head hit the pillow, all he could think about was that the next room over was empty. He wasn’t the only one. One by one, they all took notice of the little things that didn’t happen without Keith.

Keith wouldn’t walk in through the door for dinner, late and dripping wet from a hurried shower. Keith wasn’t in the training room, tearing apart the training bots with a deadly precision. Keith wasn’t there when Lance had needed to snark off. Keith hadn’t been with Pidge late at night as she kept talking, talking and talking to herself until Lance had gone in. 

Dinner had become almost sullen and silent as they had turned up with fewer and fewer leads. Shiro had fallen off the face of the earth for a few weeks, only talking to Pidge, and appearing for only short periods of time for missions. Of course, that was probably because everything had fallen apart that one morning at breakfast.

 

* * *

 

 

_Allura had walked into the room, sitting at the head of the table as usual. Everyone paid her no mind, until Hunk looked up and saw her looking at the table. Nudging Lance, they both looked at the princess, before a cold spike ran through his veins. He had seen that look before. He had seen it the morning she had told them about the Red Lion…and Keith._

_“What happened?” Pidge asked, her voice trembling. Of course the little gremlin would have noticed before any of them, would have recognized, and would have wanted to know. Even the machinery seemed to fall silent as Allura looked up, biting her lip._

_“We were talking…and we decided that we may have to consider looking for a new paladin.”_

_No one spoke a single word, and Lance almost wished that someone had. Surely chaos and destruction was preferable to this terrible silence. A part of him knew that Allura was being logical, that they just needed to save the universe. But…_

_“I assume you know where the Red Lion is then?” Shiro asked, his voice deadly calm. Allura’s face betrayed her, and she shook her head. “No, but we were discussing it and-“_

_“Who’s we? You and Coran? The two of you just go and decide that we’ll leave one of our own when we don’t even have the lion? What’s the point of having a new paladin if you don’t even have the lion? We can’t form Voltron because we’re missing Keith. We can’t form Voltron because we don’t have both of them!”_

_Lance swore internally. Maybe the silence was better after all. Shiro’s underlying message was clear; they weren’t abandoning Keith._

_Allura didn’t meet their eyes as they looked at her. “We haven’t done anything yet. I just brought the topic up in case that we won’t find him.”_

_Everything around the table paused, and Pidge’s hand, halfway to her mouth shook before dropping her spoon into whatever they were having that morning. Muttering a quick apology, the Green Paladin turned away, and Lance knew her well enough that the tremors wracking her body were contained sobs._

_“Shit Allura.” Lance finally hissed out. “Shit. You can’t say stuff like that. Are you fucking crazy?”_

_“Lance, language.” Shiro said. Lance quieted unwillingly, but anyone could feel the tension growing in the room. All of the paladins had come together to this place, and they’d done so much with each other. Losing Keith could have been an option to the Alteans, but not to the paladins. Shiro pushed his chair back and walked out of the room, closing the door with a soft hiss. Lance stared at his food threateningly. His appetite was gone, and he wasn’t sure it would ever come back._

_“We’re going to find him.” Pidge spoke up. Everyone looked at her as she stood up. “I’ll be in my lab. Maybe I’ll find some useful information.” She muttered, walking out after Shiro. Hunk looked at him uncomfortably, and Lance couldn’t blame him at all._

_Who could have known that Keith, that stupid mullet head, was what had been keeping them all together?_

* * *

 

 

The sound of static filled his helmet and Lance let out a groan of annoyance. For an advanced space society, the Alteans still hadn’t figured out how to get rid of the annoying noise that filled his ears every time the comms opened. Kicking a box out of the way, Lance nearly fell over as Pidge began screaming at him through the connection lines.

“What the fuck are you saying?” He swore. “I can’t even hear you.”

Suddenly the feedback faded and he could hear her on the other side giggling. “Sorry. Wanted to see how something worked. But have you found anything yet? Shiro’s at the castle and he wants to know if he should come back or not.”

Pushing a stack of boxes to the side, Lance raise a brow at the concealed hallway hiding behind the cargo boxes. Stepping into it, he cursed himself, before realizing Pidge was waiting for a response.

“He probably should considering this is his boyfriend and I’m not letting the mullet ride in Blue again. Not after he insulted my piloting.” Lance muttered

“Lance, did you even find anything?” Pidge sighed through the comms. Something crashed in the background, and suddenly Pidge was shouting at Hunk about breaking something again. Lance smiled at the two bickering, before noticing a dim glow from the other side of the hallway. Raising his rifle, he crept up slowly.

“I found this hallway? It’s a little narrow, but it might lead somewhere. I don’t know why they’d have a hallway in a cargo room.” He said, speaking over the commotion.

“Well hurry up. Shiro’s on his way back and Hunk just broke something I could have used.” She said, and Lance was sure that he could hear her walloping Hunk.

 “I’ll be up soon. Make sure Blue doesn’t get stolen.”

“Whatever.”

Cutting off the feed, Lance swore as he walked straight into a door. The glow was brighter than he had thought, leaking between the walls and the door. Tugging on the handle, he groaned as it didn’t budge, locked from the inside. Lance raised his rifle, firing a quick plasma shot that burned through the lock and handle, before kicking the door open. Walking in, he glanced around for any Galra before he realized the sight. Quintessence lined the walls, varying in color and container, each decorated with a small label with rushed Galran writing. The room itself was massive, and Lance couldn’t help but walk over to the strange mechanism in the middle.

“What the hell is going on here?” He asked himself before looking around. The scans hadn’t indicated any room like this, but if Haggar had been on this ship, Lance was sure that they could have done anything to hide this part of it away. Confirming that the area was clear, he put his bayard away, his suit absorbing the instrument as he walked around.

“Keith?” He shouted, opening several doors. The first few were filled with unidentifiable instruments, and Lance shivered. Who knew what those had been used, or were going to be used for? The Alteans had superior tech, but even that was 10,000 years old. Who knew what the Galra could have?

“Keeeeeiiiittthhhhh.” He said again, walking over to the last door. “Get your mullet covered ass over he-“

As Lance pulled open the last door, he froze in place. Every situation that had ran through his head couldn’t have prepared him for this. Keith sat slumped, his wrists covered in blood as they hung above his head, chained to the wall. The room was dark, but Lance could see the stripes of blood across his bare chest, the way his stomach seemed to have hollowed out. He looked like a skeleton with skin, blood decorating his body every which way, with scarring to rival Shiro’s. But when Shiro had returned, he had been inexplicably buff from his time in the arena. Keith looked like he had been starved the entire time.

“Keith?”

The head slowly raised, a dingy white mop of hair covering Keith’s head. The purple eyes he was so used to, the ones full of life and fire and determination were dead. The color seemed to have seeped out of them, making Keith look lifeless, a horror story come true.

Lance opened the comms, only to be met with a dull buzz. “Pidge? Pidge? If you can hear me, you need to get down here now. I’ll send you my location.” With the blood rushing in his ears, he wasn’t sure if the other had heard him or not, but he was too preoccupied with the eyes locked on his.

“Keith? It’s me. Lance.” Lance almost felt stupid for introducing himself. But Keith had forgotten who he was only a year after leaving the Garrison. “You ready to go? Doesn’t seem like you’re having much fun here.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, ignoring the way his voice cracked. Maybe he shouldn’t have called Pidge down. She was sure to bring Hunk or Shiro, and he wasn’t sure how they would take this, any of this.

Keith opened his mouth, lips cracked and covered with dried blood. Lance distantly wondered how long it had been since he had eaten or drunken anything. But all those thoughts faded away as he heard three words.

“A-are you here?” Keith rasped, his lungs gasping with effort. Lance nodded, putting his bayard away to walk closer. At least Keith could still talk. Even with his body mangled and bloody, he could still talk to him, even if it was one of the stupidest questions he had ever heard.

“Yeah. We’re here.” He said, pausing as Keith curled up on himself with each step Lance took. He stopped, only feet away from his rival, his friend. How was he supposed to help if Keith kept pulling away from him, even as slow as he was doing it? But Keith only closed his eyes, as if cutting himself off from the world, from Lance.

“G-good.” He said smiling, putting his head back. Lance watched as he swallowed feebly, the slow movement of his Adams apple sliding up and down. “I’ve been wanting to die.”

Pidge’s voice suddenly cut through the haze of his mind as he stared down at Keith. “Lance? Lance? Did you find him?” She sounded so overjoyed, so happy. How could he lie to her? But how could he bring her down here to see him?

Haggar’s voice laughed in his head, the words running through his head in a constant loop.

_Remember paladins. Not everything is as you left it._

“Yeah Pidgeon. I found him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com](http://fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com)'s is the name, writing's the game
> 
> I now have a ko-fi! If you guys have a couple extra bucks at hand, I'd love it if you could donate it [here](https://ko-fi.com/A370FEI)! It'd mean so much, since I don't have any source of income
> 
>  
> 
> **Edit: As awful as this makes me feel, I can no longer accept donations. My paypal has been essentially locked due to my age, and now I can no longer accept donations with it. If anyone has any other alternative, I'd be happy to hear it.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little short(less than 2k words :c), but I wanted to do something before the Season 2 premiere in...3 hours? 4 hours? Ye boi. This is basically a filler chapter I guess
> 
> There's some references in here but idk I'm like dead and drinking seven million cups of coffee so that I can start binging. 
> 
> Sorry for leaving you guys with an angsty ending for like months. DIB is back!!! with a less ansty ending???

_“I’ve been wanting to die.”_

_“I’ve been wanting to die.”_

_“I’ve been wanting to di-“_

“Lance.”

“Huh?”

“I said to hand me the wrench looking thing.”

He shook his head, muttering an apology before digging around in the toolbox besides him and passing the tool to Pidge. The Green Paladin eyed him warily before taking the tool, shoving another in between her lips as she yanked at something potentially dangerous looking.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked, and Lance scoffed. Pidge rolled her eyes at him, her look clearly telling him that _I know everything so tell me Lance McClain._

“I was just thinking about Keith.” Lance said coolly, leaning against the lion. Shiro had deposited her in Keith’s hangar, the pieces bent out of shape. After situating Keith in a healing pod, the Garrison trio had headed out, giving Shiro space. After all, as Pidge had reminded them, Keith wasn’t the only one who had gotten hurt in the whole mess. “And what Haggar said. We haven’t had to deal with the Galra head on since we rescued Allura. I…I just feel like this whole thing is a warning. I feel like something is going to go wrong.” _As if anything hadn’t already gone wrong._

“I mean, at least we got him back. It could be worse. It could have been so much worse.” Pidge said softly. Lance nodded in agreement, rubbing his hand against Red’s side soothingly. They had gotten Keith back, and Red. It was everything that they had hoped for, yet everything they had feared.

The image of bloodied cuffs and open wounds flashed in Lance’s mind, and he shivered involuntarily. If they had arrived hours, or even a day later, would there have been a guarantee that Keith had even been alive? Would they have failed him, left him to be a rotting corpse in the never-ending vacuum of space?

_“Keith? Come on buddy, what are you saying?” Lance said uneasily, his voice cracking as he looked at the frail body in front of him. A single eye opened, and the faded purple unnerved Lance as Keith laughed softly, pain evident on his face as the effort wracked through his body._

_“Kill me. They said you would come to kill me.” Keith said, before yanking on his chains, his voice slowly climbing to rising levels of hysteria. “I’m tired of it all, I’m tired, so just, just fucking kill me god damn it!”_

_Lance paused in his tracks, a lump in his throat. Kneeling down, he popped off his helmet, bending down to Keith’s eye level. The other looked him in the eye, unwavering, and Lance swallowed the guilt and shame rising in him. If only they had come a little sooner, if only he had tried a little harder, would Keith had ended up this way? Would he have been sitting in front of the fragments of a man, one that only wanted death?_

_“Keith, you’re one of us, you’re a Paladin.” Lance offered softly. “W-…why would I ever kill you? If I wanted to do that, I would have done it long ago mullet head.”_

_“Paladins.” Keith hissed, and Lance visibly retracted. “What are they to me? What have you done for me? Do this one thing, just this one thing you fucking traitor!”_

_Lance paused, his hands reaching out slowly for one of Keith’s cuffs. The other retracted from him, hissing at him like a threatened cat. Quietly, he pulled at the metal, until it bent and Lance could pull the thin wrist out._

_Almost immediately, a hand wrapped around Lance’s throat, cutting off his breath._

_“You’re an idiot.” Keith hissed, and his impossibly thin fingers somehow tightened around Lance’s throat. “You were always an idiot, but I never suspected you to be this daft. No wonder you never got what you wanted at the Garrison.”_

_Lance closed his eyes, the lack of oxygen causing lights to flash in his vision. The room was getting impossibly smaller, but he wouldn’t fight it, not when he hadn’t done anything for Keith. Shiro and Pidge had searched the universe endlessly, while Coran and Hunk had at least prepared them for the next big fight, upgrading the Castle, and fixing everything that had fallen out of repair in the last 10,000 years. But what had Lance done? What had he done to help Keith?_

_“I’m sorry Keith.” He choked out. “I’m sorry for not coming sooner, I’m sorry for not helping you.”_

_Keith yelled at him in a language he didn’t know, nails digging into the skin of Lance’s neck. Lance almost wished this was the way he was going to go, killed by his own failures. But not only would everyone kick his ass, but he had to fix something._

_“I’m sorry for this too.”_

_Lance grabbed Keith’s arm, the limb fragile in between his hands. Moving swiftly, he heard a resonating crack before Keith dropped him, howling in pain. From his helmet, he heard Pidge’s voice, though over the nauseating feeling of oxygen returning to his head, he couldn’t figure out what she was saying. Grabbing his bayard, he winced as it shifted into a rifle, the weapon familiar in his hand as he stood over Keith, the look in his eyes harrowed and betrayed._

_“God, I’m so sorry Keith.”_

_“Lance?”_

“Lance.”

Shaking his head, he looked over at Pidge, who sighed again, slamming a tool into Red’s side before muttering an apology to the Lion. Pointing the tool at him, Lance took a step back as Pidge glared at him. He had no doubt that she could gather some semblance of what he was thinking about, even if she hadn’t been there, even if she hadn’t seen the look in both of their eyes.

“I…I don’t know what happened in that room, but I swear to God, if you don’t help out fixing Red, you might as well as go stay with Shiro.”

Shocked grey eyes filled his vision, filled with betrayal and hurt, and Lance froze, ice in his veins as he shook his head rapidly, handing another tool to her. The hangar doors slid open, and the pair looked up hopefully, only to see Hunk and Coran walk in through the doors. Pidge’s shoulders slumped, and she turned back to the panel in front of her, calling out over her shoulder to Coran.

“Are my systems still up? I know we haven’t had time to test them, but I think they should be operational after that last kink.”

“Yes, it appears so. I have no way of knowing unless we engage in battle, but this time, the entire ship’s systems did not crash when I started your program Number Five.”

Lance thought of the time, when Pidge had run through the hallways, eager to program something, only to cause them to start accelerating towards what had looked suspiciously like a black hole. Lance hadn’t wanted to know at the time, and hopefully, he didn’t need to find out. Whatever the geniuses on the ship were planning, he didn’t want to know a single thing.

“Stop calling me that.” Pidge groaned,

“What else am I supposed to call you? Pidge? Katie? Katherine? None of your names are exactly normal.”

Lance laughed as Pidge let out a rampage of curse words, threatening to do who knows what to Coran. The advisor quickly fled the room, leaving Hunk and Lance in a pile of giggles while Pidge seethed quietly, face flushed with annoyance rather than actual anger. A coil of nerves dissolved in Lance’s gut, and he smiled, truly smiled.

They were broken, but at least they were all back together. One thing at a time. He could handle one major event at a time. For now, he was content with the way Pidge had reacted about her height, and the way that Hunk laughed besides him. He was still homesick, and Keith was still hurt, and so was Shiro. But they could go through one major event at a time. And they could keep going, as long as nothing happened to their team.

* * *

“Shiro?”

Allura’s voice called over to him, and Shiro couldn’t turn around, not with the sight in front of him. The pods had always done their trick: fixed Lance back up after their fight with Sendak, fixed up the others after a rather difficult battle or two. But as he looked at the limp body hovering inside the capsule, his throat constricted, and he doubted that even Altean technology could fix the mess that he had created.

“Shiro.”

Allura’s voice was more firm as she walked up, placing a hand on his shoulder. As the months had dragged on, the fire of trepidation he had felt whenever the princess was around had faded away, replaced with a deep, burning urge for Keith. But her hand kept her rooted in place, and he had to stop himself from visibly trembling as he looked at Keith.

“It’s my fault.”

“Shiro it’s not-“

“Yes it is.” Shiro laughed, a weak sound that sounded so unlike him. “If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have stayed at the Garrison. He wouldn’t have stayed beside me. He wouldn’t have loved me.” Reaching out slowly, his Galran hand laid flat against the smooth surface of the healing pod in front of him, and a scoff escaped his mouth as he continued softly. “If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have been in pain that year, and he wouldn’t still be hurting now.”

Coldly, he stared at the hand placed against the glass, a reminder of his past experiences, the pain he had given and received. There was no way for him to fix the mistakes he had done, but the least _,_ _the very least_ he could have done was kept Keith out of it.

Wide eyed, passionate Keith, who was in front of him, dead inside and out.  

“Shiro.” Allura sighed. “Listen to me. Keith knew the risks when he went to the human institution of yours, and he knew the risks when he followed you out here in space.” Taking his human hand in hers, she smiled at him, the ever-warming heart of their team. “When you lose someone, you only become that much more grateful when you find them again. True love doesn’t fade away, no matter the struggles, and with that, you can conquer all.”

Shiro turned his attention back to Keith, the pointed face familiar and calm, though seemingly in pain as his hair settled around his head angelically, a reminder of what had passed. Just as Shiro’s arm stayed with him, a reminder of all of his past experiences, Keith would have something to remind him of every thing that went wrong. And every time he saw it, he would be reminded of the pain that they, _no Shiro_ , had brought into his life. Shiro wasn’t even sure if love could conquer that.

“I hope so Allura. I sure hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com's](http://fxllenxngelss.tumblr.com) the name, writing's the game!
> 
> Ok, so I made a [GoFundMe](http://gofundme.com/ashersfunding) and in my opinion it's really confusing and inconvenient, but it's the only place where I can get supported without people shitting on my ass about my age. So if you can help, I'd appreciate it so much, maybe shout you out, but otherwise it's all good folks. 
> 
> Sorry I've been gone for so long. School is stabbing me. Literally.  
> No not literally. But it's seriously been so stressful, and I think I've lost like 1/3 of my hair. idk
> 
> IF I STAY AWAKE I'LL HAVE A RABB.IT ROOM UP FOR VOLTRON SEASON TWO SO LOOK FOR @fxllenxngels ON THERE OR STAY UPDATED VIA TUMBLR


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAHA BET YOU FORGOT ABOUT THIS FIC CAUSE I DID TOO AND I HAD THIS CHAPTER WRITTEN ALL ALONG PLEASE SHOOT ME
> 
> As usual, kudos, comments, angry/happy asks are all welcome
> 
> Also does 14,200 count as a 420 meme

Night turned into day, and day turned into night, and endless cycle of stars passing by the ship as they floated in empty space.

Somehow, with the help of Coran and an ancient Altean version of Dummies, Pidge and Hunk had managed to put Red back together, the Lion looking as sleek as graceful as ever. Well, at least as graceful as a giant space cat could be. But without her paladin, she sat silent as ever, refusing to open her mouth to let them in for internal repairs. Pidge had theorized that she could feel Keith hurting, or perhaps something had happened to their bond. If anyone could open the lion, if anyone had the closest relationship to Keith, it would have been Shiro.

But Shiro hadn’t left the infirmary a single time, the bags under his eyes drooping with every passing cycle. But no matter how often the other paladins badgered him, or no matter how many times Allura and Coran had volunteered to take his place, he hadn’t budged, either sitting or standing in front of Keith’s lifeless body.

And sometimes, it really felt as if Keith was dead. Lance had claimed that he had been unconscious when he had found Keith, and Shiro hadn’t offered any rebuttal. But as time passed by, it almost seemed as if Keith was really gone, and the cyropod had become his coffin. Time ticked slowly, and with every glance at the clock, the team’s nerves were growing. Thirteen. Thirteen months of damage could not be fixed overnight, but as the time ticked by, impatience was slowly growing over them like a parasite. Coran made sure to check the infirmary’s monitors at least twice every hour, while Allura walked in often, commenting on what physical changes she noticed since the five minutes she had been away.

“Shiro’s probably going to go crazy because of them.” Pidge remarked offhandedly, lying in her bed. Lance had been lying on it until she had pushed him off, and now he laid on the floor, his head in Hunk’s lap for comfort. The Yellow Paladin had originally protested, but after Lance hadn’t moved, he had given up in defeat, choosing to glance over some book instead.

“Shiro’s probably going crazy in general.” Hunk said without glancing up from his book. “I mean, I know I’d go crazy if any one of us was hurt, but Keith and Shiro knew each other way before the three of us had even met.”

“I would say that you would be wrong but honestly, I think he just needs some him and Keith time.” Lance said, holding his hand up to the light and observing it. Making an obscene gesture, he cackled as he rolled away, dodging some kind of mechanical machine Pidge had thrown down at him.

The Garrison Trio, done with repairs, had holed up in the lab, where Pidge had managed to move during their two days back. Her actual room stood silent and empty, while the lab had become cozier with the addition of her cot, as well as other items. Lance hadn’t figured out how she had moved her bed, seeing that it had been built into the wall, without any of them noticing, but if she had been sneaking out on rooftops, foraging government documents, and collecting Garrison info without anyone noticing, he was sure he had barely grazed the top of her talents

“Keith is literally in a cyropod Lance.” Pidge muttered. “He’s hurt, and I don’t think that the first thing that they’d been worrying about is a good fuck. Let’s keep it PG13 though.”

Lance spluttered in protest, as Hunk looked up from his book, the perfect spot to look at the other two with ease.

“Do you think Keith will be ok though?” Hunk asked, and the three of them looked at each other for a few seconds. A dozen memories passed through the air: Keith grabbing Lance’s hair as he piloted Blue, his cries of disdain joining the others’; Keith peering down at something Pidge was showing him, fascination showing on his face; Keith with Hunk, calm and opening, even cracking a joke.

Keith should have been sitting beside them, grabbing Shiro’s hand while their leader grossed them out with cheesy pickup lines and serenades. Allura and Coran should have been watching the five of them, stern as they told them to get back to their drills, but their eyes soft with happiness.

If it hadn’t been for Keith, Lance would have never become a fighter pilot. If it hadn’t been for Keith, Pidge would have never found the truth about her family. If it hadn’t been for Keith, Shiro would have been detained, buried deep in the ground. If it hadn’t been for Keith, Team Voltron wouldn’t exist. If it hadn’t been for Keith, the Galra would have taken over Earth, taken Shiro back, taken over the universe.

If it hadn’t been for Keith, they would have died in that mission.

“Fucking shitty mulleted asshole.” Lance cursed. “He brings the whole save one person or save the whole world thing to a brighter and more disgusting light.”

“That makes no sense Lance.” Hunk murmured, and Lance rolled his eyes. Everything seemed so normal, at least for now. It made his head burn, the words threatening to spill from his mouth.

Of course, the others didn’t need to know about the Keith he had seen. The dead eyed animal that had been caught between the ideas of freedom and death, the one that had intended to kill Lance with no second thoughts.

If that was the Keith that woke up…well, he would have to act, no matter if it was Keith or not. They would understand, they would all understand eventually.

A bing sounded from the bed, and Pidge popped up, swinging her legs to the side and scampering to pull on her shoes. Hunk and Lance looked at each other in confusion as Pidge held up a small device.

“I hooked something up to the infirmary’s monitors, and it tells me of any noticeable activity.” She said hurriedly, and Lance held a hand up.

“English. No techy mumbo jumbo. Just get to the point.”

“It’s Keith. He’s awake.”

 

* * *

 

Shiro was dead.

It had happened the moment that Allura had told them that they needed a new Red Paladin. He had known at the time, deep inside, that he was just being jealous, that Allura was being practical, that Allura wasn’t just _choosing_ to forget about Keith.

But once he had heard those words, it was as if his entire body had fallen to the floor, the very essence of his being lost to some unfathomable dimension where the only thing that existed was the thought of Keith.

Keith, Keith, Keith.

He could never forget the starry eyed boy that had rushed into class late, the one who had reminded Shiro of all the things to live for. A beautiful being that had crashed into Shiro’s life, a star burning brighter than any Shiro had ever seen in space.

But just as Keith was his supernova, Shiro was his black hole. He was drowning in expectations, drowning to try to be the Shiro that everyone wanted to be, and without Keith by his side, he was losing his own inner battle, one that he knew he wouldn’t be able to win. Keith had always been strong, so much stronger than he would ever be. Keith had commented that it was just his survival skills, resisting everything that could cause him harm. And Shiro had seen it firsthand on countless occasions, the brilliance caused by Keith’s fire and determination. That’s why he had thought that Keith would have been able to hold on a little longer, fight a little harder.

He had never expected to walk in to see Lance strike Keith unconscious, the rifle held tightly in his hand as he slammed the butt of it into Keith’s head.

_“Lance?”_

_Lance turned around suddenly, his mouth wide open in surprise. Shiro couldn’t even begin to imagine what he looked like at the moment, but all he could focus on was the thin trickle of blood sliding down Keith’s face._

_That is, if that even was Keith. His beautiful boyfriend sat nude in the cell, the dim lighting making it difficult to see at all. But a shaggy mop of white hair, almost mimicking Shiro’s was the centerpiece of the room, its edges dipped in crimson liquid. Memories burned through his mind: Keith’s hair under his fingertips, the buzz of a clipper in the background; the warmth of Keith’s hand as they walked into the bar again, Matt calling to them from the corner; Keith beside him at the cabin, the pair pressed together, moving slowly as wind eased its way into the room from the cracks in the walls._

_“Keith.”_

_The name barely fell from his lips, and he rushed forward suddenly, worry and anger and blame pouring out all at once as he looked at Keith’s hunched figure. Every memory vanished, and the person he had loved, the person he loved looked as if he had gone through hell and back._

_A hand suddenly slammed into his chest, and only then did Shiro notice the red markings decorating Lance’s throat. The long thin lines looked like bracelets around his neck, and Shiro stopped._

_Shiro didn’t fight against Lance’s outstretched arm, and Lance let it fall, turning so that his armor hid his bruises from Shiro’s view._

_“Did…did he do that?” he asked, and Lance ignored him. Shiro didn’t move, and Lance took the opportunity, moving to unbuckle Keith’s other wrist. Once freed, Keith fell to the floor completely, unconscious and unable to protect himself. If it had been any other time, a small sound of protest would have escaped those dry, bloodied lips, but it was silent, save for the echoes, vibrations sounding with Keith’s fall._

_“I asked if he did that Lance.” Shiro said again. He was supposed to be the leader, the one protecting the rest of them. Lance only offered a smile, and Shiro felt lost again. How was he supposed to be able to protect them all? How was he supposed to protect them when he couldn’t even figure out what he was doing? “I need to know.”_

_“It’s nothing. Kind of my fault.” Lance said, moving to prop up Keith. “But enough worrying about that. Am I supposed to be the one carrying your boyfriend? Blue isn’t very keen on having dropouts in her.”_

But Shiro knew.

Suddenly a monitor beeped erratically, and Shiro eyed it suspiciously, standing up and walking over to it. For all the time he had spent in space, he still had yet to figure out how to read Altean, though it seemed as if some of the others were finally catching on. But the strange symbols glowed underneath his fingertips, and he hesitantly clicked one, the flashing irritating his eyes.

A small hiss sounded from the pods, and Shiro looked up.

One of the cyropods opened, the pressured gas spilling out and around the floor, reminding Shiro of a cheesy sci-fi movie.

Was it actually happening? Was he dreaming?

A body stumbled out of the container, and Shiro stood, frozen in place as Keith wobbled out, shaky, unhesitant, and looking completely lost. He should have moved, ran to Keith and grabbed him, letting out the tears that he had been shoring up for a year. But he was a statue; silent, waiting, waiting for Keith, waiting for all of him to come back, to come back to the team, to come back to _him_.

Then suddenly, purple eyes met his, the purple eyes he was so used to, the ones that hid the stars and secrets of the universe, and Shiro’s heart broke as he watched Keith stutter, his face a portrayal of raw emotion: needy and helpless.

“Takashi.” He whispered, and Shiro shouldn’t have heard it, the word barely a whisper of wind, but as Keith walked towards him, he was finally able to shake himself from his stupor, moving, moving closer and closer until Keith was in his arms, safe, finally safe after so long.

“Keith.” He said, his voice worshipping as he buried his face in the tangle of hair, the feeling so familiar, so _right_. “Keith, Keith, Keith.” He whispered, “Oh my god I missed you so much.”

And he had. Every minute that had gone by had felt as if it had been an eternity, a minute that he should have spent with someone who had been an integral part of his life for so long. And standing there in that moment, Keith’s scent mixed in with the familiar smell of the cyropods, his hair, white tipped as the black roots began to grow back, and the feeling of Keith’s arms around him, he almost believed that his world had righted itself, and that maybe now, maybe now everything would be ok, maybe this empty, emotionless space inside of him would leave.

Distracted by all these things, the fluorescent lights above them, he barely heard the sound of running footsteps, until he was roughly pulled away from Keith, a short, light haired imp taking his place. Pidge grabbed at Keith, tears streaming down her face as she punched Keith in the shoulder, pulling a sound of pain from him as she stared at him, impossibly stoic even with wet tracks down her cheeks.

“Do you know-“ she started, sniffling and angrily wiping her tears away, “Do you know how much I’ve missed you, you fucking bastard?” she asked, and Shiro watched as a moment of confusion passed through Keith’s eyes, hesitancy marking his face before he went back, hugging Pidge, quiet as the smaller girl pushed at his chest. But he held tight, and as Lance and Hunk entered the room, his voice was raspy, but a welcome relief.

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be a little long so if you're only here for the story you can just scroll on down. 
> 
> Sorry about how long it's been since I've updated this. It's partially my fault, but there's just been a lot of stuff going on in life right now, and it's just been meh. Not only has school been a kind of bitch ass, but a lot of people at school are being real assholes too. It's all just stressing me out, plus the fact that I have absolute no money to actually do things like, I don't know. Ride the bus? It's a major headache. _Luckily_ , I think my [PayPal](paypal.me/mclissakim) is working again, so if you can help out in any way, please, please, please do. Other than that, I've become a promoter for [BoomOutlet](boomoutlet.com), so if you use the code 'fxllenxngels', I get 15% of the profit, and you get 10% off. Their clothes are really nice, so...yeah. 
> 
> Other than that, I signed up for the Sheith Big Bang, so kudos to me, I'm planning on wrapping this story up and planning things out for S&S and another AU I'm planning, so fingers crossed for me please. 
> 
> I don't think this chapter is particularly good, seeing that it was kind of rushed, if you can't tell by my writing, and completely unedited. But hope you guys enjoy!

“Shiro, _Shiro_ ”

It taken far too long as everyone reveled in Keith’s presence, and Keith had physically felt his energy levels dropping as Pidge had grabbed his hand for the umpteenth time, reassuring herself that Keith was still there. Finally, Allura had shooed them away, Lance and Hunk still looking tearful as Shiro had taken his hand and led him back towards his room. Silence between the two had dragged on until Shiro had secured his grip on him, and Keith had lost himself in the minutes afterwards, his mind fuzzy, clearing only as Shiro had lovingly touched him.

Keith pressed against the wall, gasping for air as he tilted his face up in pure ecstasy. Shiro attacked his neck, his lips sucking and teasing Keith, bruises blossoming under his ministrations. Keith’s fingers had grabbed his shirt, twisting the black material as whimpers escaped his mouth, his body craving every part of Shiro, every touch, caress, desperate for a reminder of love, _their love_.

And suddenly Shiro’s lips were crashing against his again, and it took all of his strength not to buckle under the pure force and passion as Shiro’s lips pried his own open, their tongues engaging in a messy, wet battle to reclaim each other, to reclaim the time spent apart, to remind the other of what they had so desperately missed.

How long had he been gone? How long had he lived without a simple thing like this?

In the pure moment of bliss, somehow they had gone from here to there, and all Keith could feel underneath him was the hard surface of an Altean mattress beneath him, with Shiro above him.

“Keith.” Shiro said simply, yet emotions dripped from every letter, and Keith shivered as Shiro leaned in, their pace dramatically slowed, and yet everything was so much overwhelming, from the scent of Shiro all around him, and Keith closed his eyes, if anything to center himself, to focus all around him, of how his shirt had rucked up, letting the cool air hit his stomach, and the way he was too eager to strip himself of everything, to be there, bare and useless, a doll.

A doll.

An unknown emotion hit him suddenly, and Shiro’s Galran hand swept over the scar on his stomach, cool metal against an ugly line marking him as something other than who he was, a reminder of who he really was, a reminder that it took only a second to rip him apart until his insides were spilling out on the ground.

Because he was a doll.

A puppet.

Something someone else could control or toss away.

Keith opened his eyes, and his vision was filled with white hair and dimmed lights, and he realized that nothing had changed.

Sitting up sharply, he scrambled away from Shiro as quickly as possible, his eyes blown wide open, and his face changed; an expression of pure terror replacing the one of pleasure that had been there only seconds before.

“Keith?” Shiro asked hesitantly, and Keith inched away, his back hitting the wall.

It was happening all over again.

“Stay away from me.” He said, his voice cracking as he watched Shiro reach out to him, reach out with the wrong arm, the one that would remind him all over again.

Shiro may have a Galran arm, but Keith was a Galra, a useless, defenseless puppet of the Galra.

“Keith, please-“ Shiro started, and Keith could barely register the way that Shiro’s expression had changed, to one of worry and fear, fear of _him._

_“Stay away from me.”_ Keith breathed out, his chest rising and falling with rushed breaths, his vision swimming, blurring reality into something he couldn’t recognize, someplace dark and looming, a place where Keith was trapped. A place he couldn’t escape. 

_And a place he would never escape._

An arm gently grasped his own, and Keith sprung away. The blood pounding in his head shut out all noise, and he chanted only one thing in his head over and over.

_Puppet, puppet, puppet, a doll broken apart and put back together._

His vision cleared, and suddenly he found himself in the hallway, his steps unsteady and he uncertainly crept along, pressing his hand to the cool wall.

He needed someone else in his head.

The hangar doors opened in front of him, and he slammed them closed, letting himself calm down only when he heard the long engage, trapping him in a bright room that smelled of what he could only describe as space.

Breathing in and out slowly, Keith let the feeling of freedom sweep over him, reassuring himself through the bright lights and twinkling stars outside the walls that he was fine, that he was free, that he could do whatever he needed in that moment.

“Hey girl.” He said softly, his voice unfamiliar to his own ears.

Red was sprawled out in front him, all too different than her usual prideful pose, and a twinge of ache blossomed in his chest. Red was a part of him more than anything, a mother he had never had, a part of his soul that he could never replace.

A broken soul that had been shoved back together time after time again.

“Why aren’t you here?” He croaked out, tears pushing past his eyes, as he slid slowly closer and closer to the lion. “Why did you leave?”

Only silence answered his question, and Keith felt his throat close up. Her reassuring presence no longer enveloped him, and he slid down, his back against the lion’s massive maws as his fingers grazed Red’s surface, littered with scratch marks.

She was scarred like he was, but unlike Keith, Red’s scars were battle marks, prideful blemishes that proved her reputation as the feisty Red Lion of Voltron.

“What just happened Red?” He asked, “What just fucking happen? What the fuck is wrong with me – _am I defective_?” he asked, the words spilling out of his mouth, disappearing into the wide hangar.

“I just left Shiro in my room.” He whispered. Rubbing his eyes angrily, Keith sucked in a breath, a laugh bubbling in his chest. “I left Shiro in my room, my sanity on that ship, and everything else is scattered around the universe. _Who the fuck am I_?”

“Not that it matters.” Keith said softly, turning to gaze through the transparent material, stars and planets passing by slowly as the castle cruised by. “Not when I’m not your paladin anymore. Maybe I can go back home and get drugged up as some type of experiment at the Garrison until I die.”

“If that place is still home.”

 

* * *

 

Shiro stared at the retreating figure, words half spoken keeping him in place.

A single image was burned in his mind; a face full of terror, a person a world away. Shiro had recognized the look Keith had given him. He had seen it every night for the past two years, gaunt eyes and a blank stare in the mirror.

And in times like that it had been Keith who had sleepily slunk into the bathroom, wrapping his arms around Shiro before encouraging him back to bed, back to reality. He had never thought, he had always hoped that Keith would never understand what it felt like to be in a never ending nightmare.

“Shit.” He said softly, burying his head in his hands. He had been so naïve to think that a few weeks in some sort of Altean technology would fix Keith, to give him back the fiery star he had fallen in love with. Even when he had come back to Earth, Keith had been careful with him, shoulder touches, loving glances, nothing, _nothing_ , like what Shiro had just done.

It was so unlike him, it was so unlike them, and Shiro stared at his hands, one outfitted with the thing of Keith’s terrors, and the other a reminder of had-been’s. What could have possibly possessed him with idea to be such an idiot.

“A fucking idiot.” Shiro murmured, standing up and gazing down at Keith’s bed, wedged into the wall and recklessly rumpled. Grabbing the sheets, Shiro mechanically made the bed, countless years of instructors and warnings letting him mindlessly complete the task.

How had he been so possibly foolish, so lost in his gratification that he had neglected the simple details?

When he left the room, it was as if Keith had never really returned.

 

* * *

 

The hangar door rattled, and Keith looked at it sharply as someone banged it, swearing and cursing. A small part of him told him to move, away from the possibility of danger. In his moment of hesitation, the door beeped uncertainly, before slowly sliding open. Silence filled the space between here and there, and Keiths poke up, uncomfortable as he waited for him to enter.

“Shiro, I-I’m sorry but right now I-“

“Troubles in paradise?” Pidge said, her unruffled hair peeking through the doorway. Keith sat staring at her, his mouth frozen as she gathered her computer and walked in, a vast array of tools behind her. “You know, next time someone knocks, it’s polite to see who it is at least Keith.”

Keith stammered, running his hand through his hair as she walked in, flashing him an easy smile. “I just, it’s just that, that right now we kinda, well, we were doing things and-“

“That’s gay.” Pidge huffed, plopping down beside him. ”I can survive without _that_ tidbit of information.”

Keith watched as Pidge unraveled yards of wire, connecting them to Red’s panel before plugging them into her laptop, a confusing and complicated algorithm displaying itself on the previously blank screen. Satisfied, Pidge nestled herself to his side, gazing at the screen, curiosity visible through the reflected numbers on her glasses. More at ease, Keith tilted his head back, gazing at the ceiling. He had thought that he would have been comfortable in Shiro’s arms, but for some reason, he felt better with Pidge at his side. Pidge who had for some reason, broken into the hangar.

“Why are you here anyways?” he asked, turning to look at her type away on her laptop. “I didn’t think anyone would be in this old beat up hangar.”

“Coran sent me to do maintenance on Red. He and Hunk had tried to fix her up earlier but they said that something wasn’t right. Cue hacker entrance. Plus Hunk is making dinner and kicked me out for eating everything with Lance.” Pidge replied easily. Keith smiled, and ruffled her hair, earning an annoyed glance from her before she continued. “The real question is why are you here? I thought Shiro took you to your room to rest up.”

He didn’t miss the note of accusation in her voice, subtle enough to let him know that she had already come to her own conclusions. He stayed silent, his mind rattled. How did he explain? After all, no one had taught him how to react in a situation like this. Countless simulations, questions regarding life and death, so much preparation had gone into his life, but he still found himself ruefully unprepared for everything that had been thrown at him.

“How long was I gone?” he asked softly, and Pidge looked up, confusion evident.

“What?”

“How long was I gone?”

Pidge stayed quiet, a moment of silent contemplation before she spoke up. “Well, we did start using Altean time until we came back, so this makes this a little confusing, but if I remember, it should be fifty-six spicolian movements. I suppose it could actually be anywhere from fifty-four to fifty-eight technically, since it’s been around three hundred and ninety quintants.”

“What the fuck Pidge.”

“Sorry, around fifty-six weeks”

Fifty-six weeks. Well over a year.

Keith chuckled to himself. God could not be real in a universe as this one. Suddenly Shiro’s longing looks, Pidge’s tearful glances, and even Lance’s crying made so much more sense. If he had been gone for over a year, what had changed? Looking over at Pidge, he could see that her hair reached her shoulders, making it dubious that she had ever disguised herself as a boy. Lance and Hunk had been more weathered, and even Coran had had less of a pep in his step.

What had he been doing through all that time?

“Fuck.” He said quietly, before laughing and burying his head in his hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. I can’t believe this. There has to be something wrong with me. There has got to be something so catastrophically wrong with me. I’m such an idiot.” So many things had changed on the outside alone, and he had been foolish, an idiot to think that Shiro would do something to hurt him, Shiro who had spent another year without someone by his side.

Another year the universe had dragged them apart.

“You and Shiro ok?” Pidge asked, never looking away from her computer.

“How’d you know?” Keith asked, voice mumbled as he felt cool tears slide down his face. “I didn’t even say anything.”

“You did call me Shiro as I walked in, plus you haven’t been on here long enough to have fought with Lance already.” Pidge said, “I may have walked in here with different objectives, but it’s not like I’m dumb.”

“It’s fine, just please fix Red.”

“Keith-“

“I’m fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I'm thankful for any kudos, comments, and subscriptions!  
>  
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> * * *
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	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS SHEITH DAY #heislookingatkeith

“Tell me what happened.”

Shiro looked up from his station, only to see the Pidge storming towards him, subdued anger flashing over her face. Shiro shouldn’t have felt so threatened by a seventeen year old, but something about the way she was looking at him filled him with a sense of unease.

“Pidge what-“

“Keith is a fucking mess in Red's hangar right now, and he’s in more pieces than his lion is.” She said accusingly. “And the first thing he says when I show up in the hangar is your name, and the second I leave I hear him crying. Keith. I heard Keith crying.”

Shiro looked up slowly. The situation left him sitting quietly, looking off before realizing the other wanted a response. How was he supposed to explain it to her? There were certain things he couldn’t explain, and others he simply wouldn’t.

After all, how was he supposed to explain years of memories and the complexity of Keith and himself through a few words?

How was he supposed to explain that when he wasn’t sure what they were anymore?

“Pidge-“ he started, stopping midsentence as a sharp voice cut him off.

“You can’t lie about this Shiro.”

And the anger in her voice disappeared almost instantly as she repeated herself.

“You can lie to us about anything else but you can’t lie about this.”

He expected her voice to be angry, but Pidge was tired, so tired, and Shiro looked at her. The little girl he had seen from a distance and through windows was gone. The girl in front of him had been hardened through loss and war, and some part of Shiro wanted to grab her in his arms while the other half of him wanted to run.

A child should never look like that.

But then again, Katie had lost her childhood the moment her family had disappeared. The bright young girl Shiro had known had been chiseled away. Shiro hadn’t truly understood until that moment.

Katie Holt was strong and a fighter, but Pidge Gunderson was clever, a survivor.

And suddenly Shiro was reminded of another Holt, smiling brightly at him as he introduced him to his younger sister, potential and genius masked by smiling grins and loving glances that only siblings seemed to be able to afford.

“Shiro, please. I can’t lose another brother.”

And with only a few words it was like he had been transported to another world, a world where Keith was staring at him with violet eyes sparkling with tears as Shiro told him that he had been accepted onto the Kerberos mission. In that moment, Keith had stood away from him, betrayal flashing in his eyes and his voice quivering as he choked out a single sentence.

_”I can’t lose someone else.”_

Two people, so full of happiness and potential had been crushed because of him.

“I’m sorry.” Shiro said softly, the words barely audible.

Standing up slowly, he wrapped his arms around Pidge, holding her tightly.

“I’m sorry.”

 

* * *

 

Keith felt ragged.

There was a certain point when his tears had stopped, and he had sat in the hanger, his chest begging for air as he sat there, alone. As the waves of anxiety and paranoia faded away with every forced breath, Keith had never realized how alone and barren the hanger had felt until that moment. Before he had made her leave, Pidge had mentioned something about Red’s quintessence levels, not to mention the way his lion had actually been reduced to pieces, no doubt by the Galran druids.

Still, he felt safer as he squeezed himself into his lion, the opening near one of her legs just barely wide enough for him to crawl through, as he ran his fingers along the clean edges of his cockpit.

“Hey girl.” He said quietly, sitting down in the seat. An entire lifetime seemed to have passed since he had last gripped the controls in front of him, and as his hand grasped around the main control, he swore he could feel the slightest flicker of fire, tickling his chest.

His hand fell away, and Keith looked around, the darkness of the cockpit ensuring him that he had to have imagined the strange sense of reassurance. From what Pidge had said, Red had been completely unresponsive to any of their efforts, though she had reminded him that the lions were more than just robots.

Sliding down, he let out a breath as his back rested against the floor of his cockpit, the cool metal biting into his exposed lower back. Even when she wasn’t operational, Red was so much safer than anywhere he had ever been. He hadn’t felt this calm anywhere. Not the foster homes, not his dorm, not his bedroom.

No, there was one place.

And suddenly a need manifested, and he jumped up, sliding out of the cockpit before making his way to the hangar’s exit, slamming his hand on the lock. As the door opened, he could almost feel Red telling him that it would be ok, that everything would be okay.

She hadn’t lied to him before.

Stumbling through the hallway, Keith had to stop, leaning against the wall as he clutched his stomach, far too out of breath. Allura, in the two seconds she had been near him, had badgered him for memories of his containment, but in the moment, his mind had drawn a blank. His fingers pressed against the cool metal, and he gasped for air as a shudder of pain passed through his body, and the hand grabbing his stomach traced over a healing, raised scar, he let out a scream, as if he could still feel the knife forcing its way into him, burning him from the inside out.

Keith fell to the floor with a gasp, reality twisting around him as the bright fluorescent lights turned a sour purple. Looking to his stomach, he could see the blade sticking out of him, his fingers covered with warm blood as he gasped for air, turning his head to see her floating above him.

_”Silly paladin. You’ll never escape. You’re a pawn of the Galra now.”_

As she leaned down, grabbing his shoulder, Keith jumped away, the knife pushing itself in deeper with every movement, and tears escaped his eyes as he tried running away from her, gasps of pain escaping from his mouth as he crawled away as fast as he could.

He should have known better. There was no way that he could have escaped that place.

_“Look at me.”_

Keith turned his head away, refusing to let reality take him once again, and he let out a sob.

“Keith. Keith look at me.”

He shook his head, the voice familiar as he hid his face from the light, the growing pain in his stomach unbearable as he fell on his back, the sharp edge digging straight through him. He had just wanted it to end, he hadn’t wanted any of this.

“Keith. You’re okay.”

Opening his eyes slowly, Keith winced as the fluorescent lights filled his vision, framing Lance’s head as he crouched down beside him. A quick glance around proved that he was in the castle, and his fingers were as clean as he could expect them to be.

No blood, no purple lights, no Galran soldiers rhythmically stomping towards him.

A breath escaped his lips as he wrapped his fingers around Lance’s outstretched hand. The sensation was grounding, and Lance didn’t give any indication of discomfort as Keith squeezed his hand, his fingers paling.

The two sat in silence as Keith’s sobs faded away, leaving him tense and worn.

“I’m going to help you up now okay?”

It took a moment for Keith to comprehend, but he looked up slowly, finally nodding as he looked into Lance’s eyes. He had never noticed the particular color. A darker blue, hiding things just like the deepest parts of the sea.

The thought was terrifying.

Lance stood up, reaching down and Keith took his hand to stand up unsteadily, a painful reminder of how much he still hurt. There was only so much a cyropod could do. Lance shot him another concerned look, and Keith looked away.

“Thanks.”

“You know, you really should go rest up. It helps a lot after coming out of the pods.”

“I will.”

“Seriously Keith.”

Lance caught his gaze, and Keith watched with slight fascination as the colors shifted, the blues transitioning like waves. It was beautiful, he decided, beautiful in the way that deadly things were beautiful, adapting quickly enough to overcome weakness.

Unlike Keith.

“I will. I promise. I was going back right now.”

Lance shot him a dubious look, and Keith ignored it, giving him a pat on the shoulder before turning back to the direction he had come from. It hadn’t been an outright lie. He _was_ planning on heading back to his room, though, he had planned on going the long way around to avoid the possibility of running into Shiro.

Shiro.

The thought of the black paladin struck a dagger in his heart, and Keith wanted to be wrapped up in his arms, warm and safe. It had been the only place he had been safe, where he had been sure that he was okay.

But those memories were tinged with uncertainty, and Keith wrapped his arms around himself if only to conserve the warmth that seemed to be seeping out of his body.

Slow steps brought him back to the hall of rooms, shockingly similar to those nested inside of the Garrison, and Keith walked slowly, pausing only when he reached his bedroom door.

His hand reached out to press the lock, and only then did he realize his mistake. Habit and routine had brought him to the one place he craved to be, but couldn’t afford to be.

Hurriedly, Keith turned around, mentally cursing himself. Of course it had to be Shiro’s room, Shiro’s room with the crisp sheets and organized chaos, Shiro’s room with the bathroom that smelled like Shiro, Shiro’s room where he had been reminded time and time of the love that filled Shiro, even after everything he had gone through.

Why couldn’t Keith do that?

Keith moved to take a step away, regret thrumming through his veins. There was no way he could face Shiro like this, not right now.

The doors behind him slid open, and Keith froze in shock.

It didn’t seem like he was going to get a choice.

Keith held his breath as the shadow looming over his own paused, and Keith closed his eyes, imagining, imagining the look decorating Shiro’s face. Was if anger? Love? Or something worse?

But Shiro’s voice was unbearably soft as he called out to him.

“Keith?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating this. Life's been busy and terrible. I thought my life would calm down with summer but I was evidently wrong. I had a camp all last week, got my wisdom teeth pulled this Monday, been going to various appointments all this week, and then I'll be in San Diego all next week, with no access to wifi!!! Yay!!! Add on top of all that that my stupid self decided to scrap my Sheith Big Bang work and start all over so :))))))))))
> 
> I've been slowly rewriting some things in this fic though, just little things to make it all flow better and sound better, so if you forgot what this is about, it's a good time to reread it!
> 
> But thanks for sticking with me. I'll start S&S once I finish my Sheith BB, and this one I have no idea what I'm doing still so enjoy. 
> 
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